US to request five-year car history for foreign tourists

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Anyone intending to visit the United States of America will have to disclose their car history for the last five years, according to reports.

Foreign nationals wishing to enter the US will also have to submit details of any motoring accessories purchased in the last three years.

As a result, immigration officials will have a right to refuse entry to tourists deemed to have made ‘unsound automotive decisions’.

“Our prime responsibility is to ensure America continues to attract the very best tourists in the world,” a source said, “not someone who ever thought an S-Type was a good-looking or even remotely desirable Jaguar.

“Landwind X6? Don’t make us laugh. First-generation Nissan Juke? Sorry, try Canada. Mitsubishi Mirage? Denied.

“Also, a Nürburgring sticker on the back of a Mk2 Metro will trigger an automatic denial of entry, as would anyone with a history of having ever purchased furry dice or boxing gloves to hang from the rear-view mirror.

“And don’t get us started on those weird nodding heads.

“Special dispensation will be given to owners of old Alfa Romeos and TVRs. These brave individuals who have dealt with untold mechanical heartache and financial pain in order to run an old SZ or Cerbera are the kinds of citizens welcome in the United States.

“And also, anyone from Japan, too. We do not fully understand kei cars, but the USA would not function as a society without VTEC or boosted six-pots,” the source added.

When pushed on the reliability and notoriety of a host of American-made cars, a source said: “You've got the look of someone who once bought a Maserati Biturbo. DENIED.”