Warning: this story contains a BMW XM by Mansory

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations: your sense of curiosity has overcome your sense of fear. And there’s much to be scared of, because this is - can we all agree? - one of the ugliest cars on sale adapted by what is surely the world’s most controversial tuner.

Yup, a car so off-putting that even BMW’s most hardcore customers have shunned it, the next inevitable chapter in the life of the XM has been written at Mansory’s HQ in Germany.

The results are… predictable. Receiving a mega aero package and forged wheels, the bodywork material appears to be the work of someone who Googled ‘posh kitchen worktop surface’ at 4.59pm on a Friday.

To give credit where credit’s due, by binning the gold trim Mansory has at least drawn attention away from the XM’s enormous nostrils; something BMW declined to do for the more powerful Label Red edition.

Unusually there are no further details to go on, although Mansory says customers can request their own bespoke interior design.

Presumably very, very darkened windows are standard fit, so other drivers can’t see who’s to blame for placing Optimus Prime’s left testicle in their field of vision…