Porsche Cayenne S - long-term review

If you really want to kick a hornet's nest of conversation with a Porsche enthusiast, all you have to do is bring up the old air-cooled vs water-cooled engine debate.

I found this out recently while at a service station somewhere in England’s midriff on the M6 and during one of the Cayenne’s many trips to the petrol station (over 10,000 miles I’ve still only averaged 19.9mpg). Being a bit bored, I thought I’d offer a compliment to a chap filling up his 993-generation 911. But if I am completely honest, I was also angling to wind him up.

“Nice car, mate!” I said across the pump. “I love an air-cooled Porsche.”

He nodded disdainfully, whilst also silently sneering at the Cayenne like it was a hairy birthmark on the Porsche brand.

“Mine’s air-cooled too,” I said.

“No, it’s not!” he barked back.

“See, that in there?” I shouted as I pointed to the bottom of the centre of the dashboard, “That’s the wireless charging pad. And it’s air-cooled to allow for optimised charging of up to 15 watts. So, technically, this is an air-cooled Porsche!”

Having thought he’d inadvertently met a new cast member of Love on the Spectrum, he gave another slightly perplexed silent nod as I threw another 70 litres of unleaded down the Cayenne’s neck.

But I’m not wrong. And, I have to say, our hunched SUV is amazingly well-equipped for the modern state of tech, with two USB-C ports with a fast-charging function in the front storage compartment and another two USB-C fast-charging connections in the rear area of the centre console. Plus, Porsche’s Apple CarPlay and Android Auto is some of the best in the game, firing up seamlessly and quickly wirelessly rather than having to faff around with cables, cords, and displays.

But the reason I was filling up somewhere on the M6 was because the Cayenne was on another trip to bonnie Scotland. Having been with us for six months, it’s trudged up north of the wall and back a few times. And I’ve come to realise this journey as well as blasting around Scotland’s undulating, broken, and inconsistent roads may be where the Cayenne is most happy.

Now, I’ve discussed the Porsche’s surprisingly grown-up ride before, but the dampening and compliance (especially with regards to its secondary ride and ability to absorb bigger hits) is incredibly satisfying while behind the wheel as it simultaneously offers comfort and control. And this – I might add – is with conventional air suspension with adaptive dampers, not Porsche’s new adaptive, active voodoo system that’s on the new Panamera.

Up in the Scottish borders, putting the powertrain in its most aggressive and the suspension in its most supple would make for a killer combo as the agility and speed that you could cross the rolling hills and countryside was phenomenal. Being a rare warm, dry day outside Dumfries, the whopping 315 section rear Pirelli P-Zeros tyres got some proper heat in them and worked with the Torque Vectoring Diff to fire me out of corners in a way no car with this heft should. Which got me thinking…

I know the Cayenne isn’t made for a track, but I am desperate to try it on one. Just to see where the limit of grip is. So maybe that’s what I need to do. Just to see what happens. And how comically fast it’ll drain that 75-litre fuel tank considering that morning blast north of the border returned a hilarious 12mpg. Gulp.