TG Garage: trading an old Mercedes-AMG E63 for a slightly newer one

Internationally renowned photographer Mark has been working with TG for many, many years. When not taking photos he’s buying inappropriate cars. Here he shares his addiction with the world…

The heart wants what the heart wants. Which – in the case of a new daily – is two turbos, eight cylinders and a very low APR rate. Because my trusty 2015 E63 AMG has departed ways for a 2017 E63 S AMG.

And not just any E63 S AMG either. This one’s obviously a wagon, but also the very same car Mercedes-Benz UK ran on its press fleet a few years back. The same car that TopGear used to tow the Bloodhound LSR, and the same car which has seen more drag launches than a RuPaul/SpaceX collab destined for Mars.

For many people an ex-press car would trigger alarm bells. Thankfully I’m a bit thick, so it barely registers on the Schmidt sting pain index. Consider it a mere honeybee sting compared with say, GT-R ownership, which is a repeated bite from the bullet ant. Look at it this way: whenever a press car is loaned out it’s checked and inspected for damage or issues. Mercedes-Benz isn’t about to lend Top Gear an E63 with a slight steering wobble. “Oh that? Yeah, it’s always been like that, never really bothered me. Apparently, they all do it.”

What about the E63 it replaced? The facelifted W212 is (still) an absolute performance bargain in my eyes. I don’t think there’s a better all-round daily for the money; it’s comfortable, ridiculously fast and – if you’re not a spanner – it’ll return 30+ mpg on a run. The W213 E63 which replaces it costs more than double, but is it twice the car? Not really, but then it doesn’t even feel like the same model despite being just two years apart.

What’s the point, then? Fundamentally I’m a magpie, but I also do a decent number of miles every year. Since July 2020 I’d put 50,000 miles on the old E63, and if I kept it for another year it’d be north of 100,000 miles. That’s danger territory for bushes, bearings, and other wear and tear items. Usually at that point, you either jump ship into something newer, or commit and run it all the way up into ‘proper’ mileage.

I chickened out and jumped ship. Partly because I fancied something newer and faster, but partly because the 2015 E63 AMG still had a decent amount of value in it despite the mileage. I lost around 3k on it over two years despite more than doubling the miles, which feels like a proper result. Obviously, I looked at other options, but at that price your options are a leggy Alpina B5 – excellent, but I don’t own a turtleneck jumper – or an Audi RS6, but my teeth aren’t white enough to even be allowed into the showroom.

This all sounds like a very sensible and straightforward update, but after speaking to Hunter Skipworth at Mercedes-Benz UK it turns out the W213 E63 AMG could be fitted with a tow bar rated to tow almost two tonnes. Now, given that 80 per cent of the cars I own don’t work, the ability to transport them around the country with 600bhp sounds like a fantastically bad idea. Do I go for a twin or triple axle trailer?