Yay: centrelock wheels on the new BMW M2! Eurgh: the rest of it

Centrelock wheels are cool. These are the facts. Yes, they’re sometimes heavier than a regular studded wheel hub, and if you get a puncture, it’s a bit of a pain trying to wrench them off by the side of the A34 on a wet Tuesday afternoon. But they look superb. They look… racecar.

And you can now spec centrelock wheels for the latest BMW M2. According to BMW’s M Division, the single-nut 19-inch front and 20-inch rear rims “enable particularly fast wheel changes and, consequently, short pit stops. Instead of the usual five screws, each wheel is attached to the wheel hub with only one central screw. An extremely solid connection is ensured during the installation of the central locks by applying a torque of 930 Nm".

That, maths fans, is over twice as much torque as the 3.0-litre twin-turbo engine that lives under the M2’s bonnet. So your wheels will presumably be staying firmly attached to the car.

Unfortunately, so will all the other nonsense BMW has stuck to the already challenging-looking baby M coupe. To showcase the possibilities offered by the M Performance catalogue, the Germans have discovered a way to magnetise plastic, then driven this Gender Reveal Blue example past a Lego warehouse.

Sills. Gills. Wings. Splitters. Cartoon speed lines. Whatever the heck that fin is supposed to be just ahead of the rear haunch. And then to top it all off, fabric towing straps you’ll hopefully never need to use. It takes a car that was already a poke in the eye, and turns it into road-going glaucoma.

Prices for all this carbon garnish haven’t been revealed, but if you want a BMW M2 with an angry red strap on, be warned. Maybe just tick the natty wheels?