Do BMW's M Performance bits improve the new 1 Series?

“The pig from Angry Birds.”

“A shrunken minivan.”

“I’ve never seen a car resemble a beaver more than this one.”

It’s fair to say the bottom half of the internet has not been kind about the new BMW 1 Series. Perhaps in anticipation of this, BMW has immediately released a set of M Performance parts to ramp up the aggression a bit. Whether they ramp up the visuals as a whole, well, the comments section below will no doubt have an opinion or three on that.

Given it’s all a bit carbon-y and M tricolour-y, we suspect most of this kit is aimed at the 302bhp M135i hot hatch, especially given how closely the rear wing and front dive planes resemble those on the performance pack of its Mercedes-A35 AMG arch rival.

The 18in M Performance brakes are certainly suited to the fastest One, what with their alloy construction to save weight and increase thermal resistance, but everything else appears purely visual.

There’s the kitchen worktop-esque gloss-finished carbon on the side mirrors and rear diffuser, “whose high-tech character provides an attractive eye-catcher”, BMW reckons. The coloured puddle lighting to welcome you into the car. And last but certainly not least, the 19in bicolour alloy wheels, which come – we kid you not – with M Performance wheel bags to “protect the driver and vehicle from soiling” when they’re merely being stored.

Options inside the car include Alcantara for the steering wheel (thankfully in the correct places), carbon paddleshifters and velvet velour floor mats. Yep, you really can go wild to try and stop your new One looking like a pig, a minivan or a beaver. But would you?