The best and worst of Geneva’s tuners

This year's Geneva Motor Show was a vintage for eye-popping, attention-grabbing fast metal.

With cars like the Koenigsegg Regera, Aventador SV and McLaren 675 LT, the Palexpo was a hall of horsepower that grabbed our attention by the scruff of the neck more than any show in years. But, believe it or not, there were other cars out there that were, if anything, more attention-grabbing....

See, in Geneva, big tuners aren't banished to the shadows of a second trade hall, their strip-lit stands rubbing shoulders with all the major OEMs to create a visual mish-mash like no other show this side of SEMA.

For your benefit, Top Gear has spent the last couple of days wandering the show floor to see what the artistic fabricators of the automotive world have to offer this year.

Suffice to say it was... interesting. So grab a Xanax, find your darkest shades and click through the wide-bodied world of Euro-tuning...

Pictures: Rowan Horncastle

You'll be familiar with Mansory. Its stand is now a mainstay at the show, parading its wears like well-endowed carbon fibre peacocks.

Along with a Lamborghini Huracan that bucked the ‘stance' trend by sitting jacked up on its parking lift, plus a matte black and carbon fibre golf buggy, the Swiss tuner brought along this: the camouflaged G63 ‘Sahara Edition'.

Now, camouflage is meant to act as a cloak of concealment. Not this time. Instead, Mansory has - ironically - used it to make the uprated Geländewagen stand out.

Aside from the paintjob, the G63 has had each corner widened by 40mm with carbon fiber fender flares. There's also new carbon fibre bumper designs front and rear, plus the addition of four powerful-as-the-sun lamps on the roof. 23-inch wheels are also available, but you can opt for smaller 21s or 22s at your chiropractor's request.

The G63's 5.5-litre V8 has been given new pistons, connecting rods, big end bearings, crankshaft, crank and cylinder heads. The entire exhaust has been redesigned, too, with the G's standard 536bhp becoming 828 bhp along with an electronically limited 737lb ft of torque.

Inside there's camouflage-cum-marble effect interior leather complete with embroidered falcon wings in the door cards. Stay classy, y'all.

If you're a serious businessman who needs to get meetings fast, and your Match.com profile states ‘Torque' as one of your interests, we've got the perfect car for you: the Brabus Rocket 900.

‘900' denotes the number of horses that power-hungry German tuner Brabus has managed to anvil from the S65's freshly-bored 6.3-litre V12 Biturbo. That also has a side effect - 1,106lb ft of tyre-shredding torque.

A load of work has gone into making these monstrous numbers possible: larger pistons, bigger turbochargers, 80 mm downpipes with modified exhaust manifolds, a new air intake system, custom Brabus billet crankshaft complete with a longer stroke and larger cylinder, as well as a new limited slip differential. An aero kit and fresh interior make it look the part.

Net result? The Brabus Rocket 900 will accelerate to 62mph in 3.7 seconds, has a 217mph top speed and a £260,000 price tag.

Wonder what Chauffeur Stig would make of all that?

As Jeremy recently proved, the new 431bhp BMW M4 has no problem losing traction and reducing rear tyres to smoke. But AC Schnitzer has decided to up the BeeEm's power to 510bhp with a new ECU map and race exhaust, making every night Bonfire Night for your rear tyres.

The suspension gets a lowering kit which drops the car by between 25 and 30 mm at the front, and 10-15 mm at the rear. Serious track buyers (or sadists) can opt for a full coilover kit, which is fully adjustable and can lower the ride height by 30-40 mm at the front and 30 mm at the rear. Slam.

More wheels = better. That's Key Stage 2 Top Gear maths. So the fact that Bradford's most notorious Land Rover tuner, Kahn, has decided to extend a Defender to accept two more driven wheels is nothing short of a Good Thing.

Called the Flying Huntsman (a name that TG is far too mature to rudely mispronounce, of course), the 6×6 has been stretched by 120cm in length and 15cm in width. It also now has a GM-sourced 6.2 litre V8 under that elongated bonnet, good for 430bhp.

Power is sent to all six-wheels via a six-speed automatic transmission. Thanks to three locking diffs and a hi-low ratio drive system, we suspect it's capable of traversing the swimming pool at Dubai's Atlantis hotel.

McLaren used this year's Geneva show to whip the silk covers off its 666bhp track-focused version of the 650S - the 675 LT.

In a very Chicken vs Egg scenario, Fab Design unveiled the VAYU RPR Spider at the same time. Which, you can probably see, has some remarkably similar design traits. Just with no roof.

Once you've got over the confusing name, you'll see that the VAYU RPR Spider, has wider front and rear arches as well as new side skirts, enlarged air intakes and a new front spoiler with more than a hint of LT.

It hasn't quite had the same mechanical overhaul as the new Macca, with power only up by 32bhp. But it does have three-piece, ultra-light 20-inch rims and twin bazooka exhausts that a small child could crawl in to.

Everything looks better in Gulf livery, right? Wrong. Not even the famous blue and orange paintwork could save Hamann's wider, lower and more spoilered diesel Porsche Macan. Shame.

Porsche played a blinder at the Geneva show. Having unveiled both the 493bhp monster-winged, track-ready 911 GT3 RS, as well as the GT3-part-sharing and most powerful Cayman ever in the shape of the GT4, you'd imagine most Porschephiles would have had their power thirsts quenched.

But if you want something a bit more left-field and even more powerful, legendary Porsche tuner RUF has the answer. This is the new RTR. Which, being turbocharged, is akin to a 911 GT2.

The makers of the famous ‘Yellowbird' have massaged the 911's 3.8-litre flat-six and turbochargers to produce a ‘hold-on-this-is-going-to-hurt' 802bhp. This all goes through a manual - yes, manual - six-speed gearbox to all four wheels.

It's wider, got stickier tyres, carbon brakes and a new skeleton in the shape of a heavy duty roll cage. Just in case the RTR tries to capsize on its way to the claimed 218 mph.

Every year there are a variety of companies who pimp out what look to be plumber-spec Mercedes Vitos. But once you open the doors you're greeted by mahogany and leather-lined slumber-party buses.

This is the latest effort, from a firm called Technitaco. With seating for three in the back, there are leather-covered, ergonomically adapted and air-conditioned seats within easy reach of the bar and refreshments centre - complete with crystal glasses and a decanter.

The full Currys Digital catalogue has been wired into the back. There's full connectivity so you can watch Netflix in your van, do some gaming on the PS4 or catch up on Downtown Abbey on the 32-inch LCD Apple TV. All the electronics are controlled by an iPad between the two rear seats, which has Candy Crush installed. Probably.

We're big, big fans of Audi's stupidly-powerful-yet-ridiculously-practical RS6 here at Top Gear.

Therefore Audi tinkerer ABT's addition of a 160bhp power upgrade over the RS6's standard 560bhp clearly required closer attention.

The performance boost is thanks to an ABT Engine Control unit, with specially developed software to squeeze out as much go-juice out of the 4.0-litre V8 engine as possible. An adapted stainless steel exhaust system - including a Y-pipe and sport-type catalytic converter - has been added, plus plenty of aero appendages.

This means you, the kids and dog can now sail down the autobahn at a healthy 200mph, opening up endless new family holiday destinations. You'll be in Cape Town by tea-time.

This is a Lamborghini Huracan by German tuning house DMC. We attempted to secure anything in the way of technical details on this odd beast, but failed. Instead, we were told only that this is ‘a powerhouse that gushes an unwavering commitment to quality.' Their words, not ours.

All we know is to watch out for your ankles, because that splitter is a serious bit of leg-cutting kit. TG recommends strapping a couple of pillows to each corner.