Fancy earning cryptocurrency while driving a new Jag?

A car is a bottomless pit into which you must pour money, and in return it will take you places faster than walking without getting wet. Or is it? Not if Jaguar Land Rover has anything to do with it.

Because what Jaguar Land Rover wants to do is hook up a so-called ‘smart-wallet’ to your F-Pace or Velar, and so on. And, if you’re a good citizen and report things that might cause other motorists dismay, you could earn some cryptocurrency. Whatever that is.

According to JLR the tech works thusly: “Owners earn credits by enabling their cars to automatically report useful road condition data such as traffic congestion or potholes to navigation providers or local authorities.”

“Drivers could then redeem these for rewards such as coffee, or conveniently use them to automatically pay tolls, parking fees and for smart charging electric vehicles.”

Of course, this is a flawed plan. Because it's Britain, there are more potholes than there are traffic lights. If you reported every pothole within a stone’s throw of the Top Gear office, for example, Top Gear maths suggests you could earn several million pounds. This system will bankrupt most councils within the hour.

Currently, the system is being tested in the Republic of Ireland. One of its other clever features is using real-time traffic data to reroute other Jags and Land Rovers nearby, to save emissions. Yep, you guessed it, it’s all part of a major ‘connected car initiative’ that ties in with the industry’s obsession with fully intelligent, self-driving cars.

That utopia is still some way off, but hey, scoring a free coffee next time you smash your 23-inch alloy wheel into a pothole is the future we were promised, right?