BMW M5 - long-term review

We recently did a drag race between the M5, Merc-AMG E63S and Panamera Turbo S E-Hybrid. It didn’t feature the lifer because it was away being fixed. If you want a surprise, watch the film online before you read any further

Done that? Good. The M5 walloped ’em. Least powerful but lightest, it also possesses the most phenomenal launch control. So fast was it that we redid the figures when our car came back. And yep, the result wasn’t a fluke – it managed a two-way average of 2.99secs to 60mph. So that’s a full-size saloon that seats five, has a 505-litre boot, massage seats and kick-ass stereo getting to 60mph in under three seconds. That’s nuts. The fastest super-saloon ever, surely?

And then I remembered the Tesla P100D. It’s not a sports car – it’s pretty dull to drive, in fact – but it is outrageously fast. You can compare the figures below. Only at high speed does the M5 regain the upper hand. And under braking. The £7,495 ceramics might be horribly grabby in daily driving, but they stop the car from 100mph in less distance than a 911 Turbo S. The Tesla takes longer to stop than a Mercedes G-Class. Not even kidding.

Drive like this and the M5 gets hot. And then struggles to get cool. Even after my commute, the fan noise for 10 minutes after is considerable, the heat soak from underneath huge. Occasionally it gives up on getting rid of it externally and just lobs a load of it into the cabin. Which, during a hot summer, was a bit tedious.