Road Test: Volkswagen Touareg 3.0 V6 TDI 5dr Auto

Explaining to your whale-kissing neighbours exactly why you just bought a Touareg is tricky. After all, the new three-litre V6 diesel does 25.9 miles per ill-gotten Persian gallon and emits 294g/km of ice-cap-torching CO2.

But, perhaps, if you sat them inside, showed them the commanding driving position, encouraged them to savour the rich aroma of the optional cured cow upholstery... still not even a flicker of approval?

Turn the key, then, and they might be impressed by the relative quiet of VW's third oil-burner in a five-car line-up. Pull away and surely the rapid acceleration will dismiss the worries about sustainable sources for the wood cabin trim?

And what about that ride quality? If you did run over the last breeding pair of albino hedgehogs in a car weighing over 2.5 tonnes, neither driver nor victims would feel a thing.

Or maybe just tell them that if you could, you'd have bought the five-litre V10 TDI and they should be bloody grateful that your bonus was a bit meagre this year.

Price £34,835
Performance 0-62mph in 9.9secs, 127mph max speed, 25.9mpg