Twin test: VW Polo GTI vs Seat Ibiza Cupra

Hot hatches aren’t supposed to be too serious. VW forgot this during creating the last Polo GTI. It arrived with a complicated turbo and supercharged engine (good for efficiency and tractability, but pants for revving out) and no manual gearbox. The result was probably the best fast hatch for oozing through traffic. So everyone went and bought a Fiesta ST.

Seat should’ve been relied upon to inject the much-needed Latin libido into the package, but we got the same worthy mechanicals in a smart body designed by ex-Lambo sketcher Luc Donkerwolke. And everyone carried on driving around in Fiesta STs feeling pretty good about life.

Photography: Simon Thompson

Fast-forward to 2016 and the pair have bucked up their ideas. Both are now fitted out with keener, more powerful 1.8-litre turbocharged engines related to those fitted in their bigger brothers, the Golf GTI and Leon Cupra. Both develop 189bhp and 236lb ft. The VW still offers a DSG, but it’s a whopping £1,215 option you won’t pick over the £0.00 six-speed manual. The Seat’s a stick-shift only. Points duly awarded there.

So, having tried to break the mould, both VW Group mini-rockets have returned to the old school. Good for them. Shall we find out which is best?

The Polo rolls up loaded with kit, painted in a particularly unfetching shade of denim blue. Honestly, who specs a Volkswagen wearing the three coolest letters in hot hatch land and passes on black, white, grey and red? Still, it’s crisp of line and squat in dimensions, resting 10mm lower than your grandma’s Polo. There are tartan seats and a perfectly sized Golf R steering wheel inside, among a full suite of dash buttons controlling this car’s heated seats, nav, parking sensors and adaptive suspension. Told you it was kitted out.

Option boxes unticked, the Polo’s still a superb place to be. Quality is unbeatable for a small hot hatch, and the sheer rightness of these ergonomics makes you question why anyone chooses to lay out an interior differently. The nondescript Sport button is in such easy reach...

Prodding said button (having paid £245 to put it there) sprinkles a pinch more bass into the motor’s buzzy thrum, remaps the throttle with extra zip and firms up the ride. But before we get too engrossed in the mini-GTI, a conquistador demands our attention.

Actually, that’s a lie. The Ibiza Cupra is hopelessly nondescript. The rear wheelarch vents are plastic dummies, so too the central exhaust outlet, and the extra front intakes look like Poirot’s moustache. Authentic it ain’t. And as you circle the two cars and note the VW’s bespoke boot spoiler, side skirts, bloodshot headlights and then realise just how little of the Ibiza’s bodywork is swapped in exchange for your £18,900, it’s quite the let-down.

And then it goes from bad to cursewords, as you step into possibly the most tediously designed car cabin in production today. Cupras get a meatier steering wheel, a bulbous shifter with the gear pattern curiously pointed at the rear seats and some shiny pedals, but the desert of ashen grey plastic and parts-bin controls scream cynical money-saving.

It’s as if VW wanted to punish Seat for making a better hash of hot hatch bodywork. Everything you touch, from volume knob to door handle is of palpably tinnier quality than the Volkswagen’s, which, at £19,125, stops looking like an expensive car and instantly inherits bargain status from the £18,900 Seat.

Among many blanked off buttons in the Ibiza is its own Sport button, underlined by a picture of a damper. Adjustable stiffness is standard in the Ibiza, instantly saving you £245 versus the VW, but it only tweaks the ride; the throttle’s reflexes are permanently in gung-ho mode. There’s no fallback position, unlike the Polo.

In the time it takes to spot this, you’ll notice the Seat also has a much more supportive seat, that’s lower and better located behind the steering wheel than the VW’s. Clues that Seat might have spent the money on improving the fundamentals below the garnish...

Set off and predictably,  both cars are equally fast. The numbers bear that out: both are claimed to hit 62mph in 6.7 seconds, and both top out at 146mph.

But because the Seat’s engine is effectively always in Sport, it sounds keener from the off and even with the VW’s devil horns engaged, it’s more buzzy and resonant, which just sounds cooler. Angrier. More fun.

You’d think these two would post identical numbers across the board, wouldn’t you? But no – the Polo is officially more economical, beating the 45.6mpg, 145g/km Ibiza by 1.5mpg and 6g/km. Driven back-to-back, the Polo scored 36.3mpg to the Ibiza’s 33.8mpg, I suspect because the Ibiza just encourages you to drive it faster more of the time. Meanwhile the Seat, at 1260kg, undercuts the GTI by 12kg. Must be those denser cabin plastics.

So, you can split these two on more than just interior wellbeing, and once you arrive on the trademarked British Hot Hatch Proving Ground B-road, daylight appears between the two VW Group terror twins.

Seat has simply set up a sweeter car. Same ingredients, tastier results. The Ibiza turns in more tightly, scrabbles less, pivots around your hips it seems, and feels up on its toes from the moment you set off. It’s somehow more planted and stable and yet more playful than the Polo, and this worms its way into your affections. Then there’s the gearshift. As sweet as an MX-5’s? No, but the Ibiza’s is ever so slightly weightier and a hell of a lot less notchy. It doesn’t mind being checked across the gate when you’re in a hurry, while the truculent Polo wishes you’d just calm down.

I was convinced the Seat must be wearing superior tyres, gifting it more precise responses, but hopping out revealed both cars roll around on identical 17in Bridgestone Potenza rubber. But where the Polo wastes power through wheelspin between corners and feels taller and inert while negotiating them, the Seat just grips and goes. It doesn’t torque-steer either. Not one bit, which makes the Polo’s propensity to weave under acceleration more baffling.

And it’d be great if we could just leave it there. Except, if you wanted a fast and very fun small car, you’d end up hearing the F-word. Yep, the Ford Fiesta ST still rules this market, and rightly so. It’s so much more interactive than the Ibiza, and proves you can get by with a lesser interior if the chassis pays the bills.

This pair are the hot hatches for more sensible folk, then. The shrinking violets. And if that’s your bag, you’re going to want the Polo, because it’s a gorgeous item, an achingly desirable product. If it handled like the Ibiza, it’d be unstoppable. But so far as driving goes, the second-best pocket rocket for driving smarts is the Seat, by a whisker. Oh damn, I’ve just remembered the Peugeot Sport 208.