Gallery: the weirdness of the Tokyo show

Words: Jason Barlow and Matthew Jones 

In the FCX Clarity, the fuel cell combines hydrogen with oxygen to make electricity. This is stored in lithium ion batteries, which sends the electricity to the motor via a power drive unit. Water vapour is the only emission. Honda decided to demonstrate its leadership in this complex technology by using a giant pissing baby, with glowing blue eyes, a schematic on its stomach, and whose troubled voice echoed as if from the afterlife just before it urinated. First we laughed. Then we were a little bit scared

Don’t be fooled by the Pixar-style body and doe eyes. Eporo – it stands for Episode Zero Robot – is an evil Nissan creation designed to lull us all into a fully automated future. It contains all the sensors that upcoming Nissans will have, as we head towards a collision-free, zero emissions future. We’d like to run it over with the new Nismo GTR while doing a hot lap of the ’Ring

It’s powered by a dynamo that self-generates energy once you’re up and running. Entry and egress is through a top-hinged door, underlining the BMW Isetta bubble car inspiration. But it’s called D-Face, and a company called Durax makes it. Not problem-free, then

Let’s face it, one of the reasons we hate most modern micro-cars is because they look more like renegade Teletubbies than the Blade Runner inspired creations promised in our youth. The Mirai Project aims to circumvent the credibility gap by employing Kunio Okawara, one of the guys behind famed Japanese anime character Gundam, to design an electric car that looks LIKE THE FUTURE. Apparently, it goes into production in 2015, and will cost about £15,000. We’re a little bit scared again

Tokyo isn’t just about the cars. Most of the industry’s major suppliers are here too, but only Goodyear had turned its stand into what looked like a giant all-terrain Mars explorer. With good reason: its new Spring tyre has been co-developed with NASA and contains load-bearing helical springs, doesn’t need or use air or rubber, so it’s perfect for space missions. There was an astronaut suit on the stand too. Cool

Ken Okuyama Design has made us want a tractor. Well, this tractor. It’s called the YT01 concept, and has an advanced GPS satnav system to allow it to plough autonomously. It also has a chin like a robot OAP.

The same company’s also released this little tinker. It’s called the kode9 and it’s utter pornography. The street-legal clubman racer has a three-part aluminium chassis, 3D-printed panels, and only weighs 890kg. Under the bodywork there’s a 2.0-liter four-pot engine with an HKS supercharger that churns out 370hp.

That giant, possessed, urinating infant again. It haunts our dreams.

Daihatsu’s tiny lorry, the FC-Deck, is a fuel-cell powered concept with a generator on the back that lets you power up things like fridges and TVs and washing machines when you’re outside. Pointless. Brilliant. Also a potentially very rude name.

Funky in-wheel-moror NTN EV, replete with a wood-grain wrap and decals of creepy Japanese children.

Hino Poncho Mini EV bus thing is pretty cool…

…but nowhere near as cool as its 2014 Dakar truck.

Tokyo imagined in teeny tiny scale. Note: Tokyo show organisers do not appreciate journalists leaping the chain and playing ‘murderous Godzilla’ with their train set.

Build it, whatever company you are. Then we will love you and your migrane-inducing blob-thing.