TG’s Christmas Gift Guide

It's that time of year when humans capable of logic, reason and compassion abandon any philanthropic leanings and prepare to engage in hostilities to secure that last turkey in Tesco's.

Yes TopGearers, it's Christmas, and that means you're only days away from receiving lots of unwanted garbage you never thought you needed. Fear not however, this onslaught of finger-shaped nasal trimmers and Maggie Thatcher nutcrackers, because we have pulled together a range of Christmas gifts certain to add some oversteer to your stockings.

So click through our horribly time-sensitive gallery of Top Gear gifts. Want even MORE Top Gear presenty goodness? Step into our shop, here.

One too many mince pies? No matter. We have new menswear... Our ‘Ascent of Stig' T-Shirt will selflessly hide your bulging midriff, while simultaneously giving a handy evolutionary chart of the one they call ‘Stig'. Also one with ‘Here Comes Captain Slow' on it. We've even made it look like a road sign, as we have the occasional reputation for being into cars. 

To order the T-Shirt in time for Christmas, click here

Understand the name? Good. Behold our newest mighty tome of TG stuff, including Hammond's guide to the countryside, a fine list of rubbish stuff that never made it to TG telly and the only four things in the world all three presenters agree on. Plus some comical adventures featuring your favourite intrepid three, with the "Transtopformergearers" our undoubted highlight.

To order the book in time for Christmas, click here

A cassette of epic-ness showcasing the finest driving songs known to a few people in an edit suite. Hits from Muse, Brandon Flowers, U2, The Who, The Jam and Stereophonics. Novelty rap version of James May's engine-theme tune sadly not included.  

To order the CD in time for Christmas, click here

No, he's not an anonymous cog in a diabolical organisation called ‘Project Mayhem' seeking the end of modern civilisation. Just Stig, on a rope. 

To order a Stig on a Rope in time for Christmas, click here

Our white-suited maestro returns with the difficult second album, ‘Stig In Some Soap'.  

To order a Stig in a Soap in time for Christmas, click here

Turbocharge your toilet with Top Gear's toiletry bag. Contains bag, towel and something smelling of ‘Stig'. 

To order the bag in time for Christmas, click here

A handy compendium of days, separated into a 12-month format, perfect for remembering when Top Gear is on, or your mum's birthday. Warning: contains pictures of TG presenters cocking about in cars. 

To order a calendar in time for Christmas, click here

Bored of life's mundane routine? Serving 5-10 without appeal? Enlighten yourself with our 1,000-piece jigsaw. Not only do you have to put it together, you then have to seek out His Stiggyness. 

To order a puzzle in time for Christmas, click here

Mates still have old Nokias with annoying early Noughties novelty ringtones? Humiliate the crazy frog-wielding luddites with this natty V12 engine noise key fob, and watch as they weep at your multi-cylindrical majesty. 

To order a key fob in time for Christmas, click here

Kids! Dress up like your favourite helmeted hero from the TV! Parents! Dress your kids up in YOUR favourite helmeted hero from the TV! (And inform the little blighters Stig doesn't speak, thereby leaving your Christmas Only Fools and Horses marathon devoid of noise.)

To order the outfit in time for Christmas, click here

The end of the world is nigh. We're still at war. Pestilence is on the rise, and someone's eaten all the crisps. Thankfully, Richard and James have produced a handy guide to motoring in such difficult circumstances. Driving in the perpetual darkness of a nuclear winter, making motorsport exciting when there are only two racing drivers left alive, how to survive a Doomsday MOT test, and choosing what car would you drive if there was only one barrel of fuel left on the planet. Buy it, before it's too late...

To order the DVD in time for Christmas, click here