Ten things we learned this week: 13 November 2015 edition

Some say he has the best driving technique on earth, but can only communicate his knowledge via the medium of sheep. All we know is, the Stig could be responsible for the woolly daubings above.

We jest, of course: this is an entirely worthy road safety campaign by ‘Think!’, aimed at cutting the number of accidents on country roads by providing helpful instructions on the surrounding livestock.

As such, statements like ‘sharp bend ahead’ and ‘slow down’ are being displayed on the wandering balls of wool, finally making some use of their occasional dithering into the path of traffic. Quite how the sheep are expected to remain by sharp bends and braking zones is unclear.

Whether they demand drivers to perform ewe-turns is thus far unconfirmed.

Given those sheep are such experts on braking points, we imagine their inner car enthusiasts are titillated by this, a Pininfarina-designed tractor. And no, April 1 hasn’t come early.

Pininfarina – the design company behind beauties such as the Ferrari 456, Alfa Romeo GTV and Hyundai Matrix – has turned its fine pensmithery to agriculture.

Meet the Zetor by Pininfarina. We could try and be funny, but a straw poll of the office suggested we hand, comment-free, over to the eloquent press release accompanying the fancy new tractor.

“Pininfarina’s new design shifts Zetor to a more intense, emotional experience that is highly sensual, dynamic and modern,” it says. “The idea behind the Zetor by Pininfarina concept is the embodiment of a perfect combination of power, dynamics and emotion while preserving the use and practicality of field machinery.”

So, readers: sexiest tractor ever?

We’ll admit the only car involved in this story is the one which likely transported Otto the bulldog to his triumph.

But a skateboard is wheeled transport, and this dog is its rather burly powerplant. We refute any accusations of a tenuous automotive link.

And just watch this video and try telling us, dear reader, that a skateboarding bulldog – nay, a Peruvian bulldog which has just taken the world record for skateboarding through the legs of most people (30 of them) – doesn’t make the world a better, happier place to be?

We fully expect Lewis Hamilton and Roscoe to make their way through this list as soon as the F1 season closes.

What with all the GT-R-whupping acceleration modes and self-driving controversies, we’d forgive you for forgetting the Tesla Model S can, with some liberal options box ticking, carry seven people.

These US Police certainly didn’t know, given that they followed a Model S driver all the way home following reports of a child kidnap.

The owner had innocently popped his offspring in the rear-facing seat in the boot, a move which had been misconstrued by worried passers-by. Lord knows what they’d make of the Model X’s entry procedure…

If you didn’t know Moto GP well before, then chances are you do know, in no small part to Valentino Rossi’s ‘did he/didn’t he’ kick that ousted Marc Marquez from 2015’s penultimate race, and Rossi himself from ownership of this year’s championship trophy.

There’s more to Marquez than his kickability, though, and the wee Spaniard is – at the ripe age of 22 – already a double world champion in motorcycling’s uppermost race series.

While he didn’t win this year’s title, he remains an adept qualifier. For the third year running he has won a shiny new BMW, awarded to the rider with the most successful qualifying results through the season.

The prize is always a new Beemer of some description, and this year sees Marquez become the first rider to grasp honours in three consecutive years, adding an M6 Convertible to the M4 and M6 coupes of previous years.

And what with their doors and windows, they all provide fine protection from errant Italian feet…

Glum faces all round, as TG’s one worthy achievement in life – the fastest lawnmower in the world – has been ousted.

Yup. Our 116mph aboard a Honda mower has been beaten by 17mph, thanks to the rather bonkers 408bhp V8 powered Viking mower you see in the picture above and the video here.

We shall be gracious and congratulate the Norwegian team – and rider Pekka Lundefaret – for their achievement.

But it doesn’t look much like a mower, does it? Certainly not as much as ours did.

If anyone has a spare V8 and a mower-sized roll cage to hand, however, please send them to the usual office address…

The Ten Things inbox is often inundated with surveys tenuous in their links to cars and pointless in their entire conception.

And so we discover the identity of the UK’s happiest driver: a survey carried out by Zuto (nope, us neither) says it’s a bloke between 25 and 34, behind the wheel of a silver, Munich-made saloon car in Scotland’s capital city. Right.

Balancing out his glee is Britain’s grumpiest driver, a Nottingham male in his late forties driving a green Fiat.

Once we’d waded through that bobbins, we discovered the real story, the sucker punch, the revelation none of us could ever have discovered without the aid of a car finance company seeking PR.

“Driving blissfully down winding, country lanes, in calm weather and purely for pleasure, with no destination in mind... that’s where you’ll find the happiest people on the roads.”

Think we beat you to it.

Lots of new Fiat 500s have been sold. This ought to be no surprise to anyone who’s traversed a European capital city since 2007, as the little blighters are everywhere.

But ‘lots’ actually means 1.5 million. In eight years, that’s pretty impressive, and it means the modern-day 500 has sold nearly as third as many units as its predecessor, 4.25 million of which shifted between 1957 and 1975.

Nuova 500 numero 1,500,000 is a 1.2-litre Pop destined for a French customer, and it rolled out of Fiat’s wonderfully apt Tychy plant in Poland. You’d be a fool to bet against another million and a half of them following it…

The Nissan Qashqai is known as a crossover. You thought this meant it was a mish-mash of hatchback and SUV, but it appears it’s actually a crossover between a car and a Playstation pad. Um, what?

As part of Nissan’s tie-up with the Champions League, the Japanese carmaker has set a team of engineers upon mating the wheel and pedals of a Qashqai to control Pro Evolution Soccer 2016.

You can see some of the process via these videos, while friend of TG Jann Mardenborough – who can be credited with the picture above – has voiced his approval on social media.

Fancy a go?

Ten Things would like to end on a heartwarming note, with news from Birmingham Children’s Hospital that technology developed in Formula 1 is helping save the lives of its patients.

Sensors monitor their vital statistics – heart and breathing rates, oxygen levels, that sort of thing – in real time, sending a continuous flow of information to monitors that will spot the early warning signs of deterioration.

The technology is based upon McLaren’s hundreds of sensors, which collect real time data during races to influence race strategy. In time the same technology could replace the paper charts which record patients’ vital signs in all hospitals.

F1 may not be at its moral peak – politically or financially – but it’s nice to know it’s still doing plenty of good.