Swiss you were here?

Wow! It's a handy bag to commemorate the launch of the new Kia Sorrento. The O is the handle. If they'd made it a bit bigger you could have poked your face through the middle and gone, ‘Ooo, that's not bad looking for a Kia'. 

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Things that make you go Mmmm, part 1. It's this year's F1 safety car, based on the Merc SLS. That's going to make an excellent noise on your surround sound system.

Ever wished you could buy a car that already looked like it had been in a medium-sized accident? If Peugeot makes this BB1 concept, your dreams will come true. By the way, your dreams are strange.

This is a new limited run version of the Mercedes SL. It's matt black, which is nice. It's called the ‘Night Edition' and has badges to that effect on the front wings. Which is not so nice.

This is a car from Chinese manufacturer BYD. One day Chinese car makers will take over the world. In the meantime, let's laugh at their useless attempts to get started and, on the basis of that number plate, mock their rubbish build quality. Ha ha ha ha etc etc.

Oh dear God, NO. This is what Swiss tuning company Mansory thinks of the Rolls-Royce Ghost. They think it's OK to do a big blue and gold poo all over it. Yes, you'd better stop reading this and clear up that sick you've just done.  

Geneva isn't just about cars you know. There's also ample opportunity to laugh at people in horrible jackets. It's not entirely clear what it says on the back of this but we think it might be ANGLE. 

New from Fornasari, it's a car that appears to have crashed backwards into a boat. What a waste of perfectly good teak. And floor space.

This is what Geneva is all about. Eurohair. The top says ‘I'm getting older', but the pony tail says ‘I still like to party'. The overall look says ‘Dad, you're really embarrassing us'.

It's more Eurohair. Wow, it's like a lambswool waterfall cascading down his shoulders and gently splashing off the place where his dignity used to be. 

Things that make you go Mmmm, part 2. Audi wheeled out this original Quattro rally car. Respec'. It smelt really nice and oily too. Mmmm indeed.

The new Bentley Mulsanne looked a lot nicer in real life than it did in photos. This pink Continental GT cabrio, erm... didn't.

It’s the works of Swiss customiser FAB Design. From left to right, ruined Merc SLR, ruined Merc SL, ruined Porsche Panamera.

This is the Bufori Geneva. It’s from Malaysia. It wasn’t specifically designed to make some sick rush into your mouth, but it does that job anyway.

Now this is more like it. It’s called the Sbarro Autobau concept, it has a Ferrari V12, and it’s basically what happens if you ask a seven year old to design a car then have it built by people from the 1970s. Fantastic. 

And this is part of BYD’s electric car display. It’s called the ‘charging cabinet’ which means that when you’ve finished charging up your car you can keep teacups in it.