Man plans to spend Christmas waiting in the car

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

A man who’s never received the approval of his in-laws has vowed to spend the entire Christmas holiday in the car rather than go inside and mingle with them.

The man – who’s already insisting on starting the five-hour drive to their home at 11pm on Christmas Eve, allegedly to “avoid the worst of the traffic” – has decided he can no longer put up with their low opinion of him for a single minute more.

The tipping point was reached during a recent family FaceTime call, when he declined to venture an opinion on whether or not Jaguar’s recent concept car was ‘woke’.

“I’ve had enough,” explained the man. “Judy and Kenneth have never liked me, so I’m just going to sit in the car and wait until it’s time to go home again.

“I’ll walk my wife to the door, give them a cursory nod, then immediately get the car ready for the return leg. Plug our postcode into the sat nav, check the oil level, tyre pressures… you can’t be too careful.

“I want to be on the road again by 8.30am on Christmas Day. To get a head-start on the traffic, you understand. We only need to be there long enough to not be cut out of the inheritance.

“Obviously I’ll keep the engine running for the duration.”