Michael Schumacher, Ferrari 599 HGTE news - Big Schu vs 599 HGTE - 2009

See more pics of Schuey and the 599 HGTE

"So how do you fancy taking the new 599 HGTE for a few laps of Fiorano?"

That's the sort of phone call you get if you're (a) a seven-time F1 world championship or (b) called Michael Schumacher. Or both.

At Ferrari's behest, Big Schu has just spent an afternoon putting the harder, faster new 599 through its paces at Fiorano. He put in some 20 laps around Ferrari's test circuit and... yes, you want to know how fast he went, don't you?

Irritatingly, Ferrari won't tell us. We know that the 599 HGTE has lapped Fiorano in 1m26.5s - a frankly insane time, over three seconds quicker than the F40, half a second quicker than the F430 or F50 - but Schumi's lap times are being kept firmly under wraps.

Why? Top Gear demands answers. Has Big Schu lost his touch? Has he got - whisper it now - a bit slow? Was there a malfunction in Schumi's computer-like driving brain?

None of this seems plausible. Big Schu doesn't do slow. Or malfunctioning. Surely the reason they're not publishing his times is because he was just... too fast? How about that for a conspiracy theory, eh?

Anyhow. Take a look at the cheesy photos of Big Schu and the HGTE in our gallery - and add your captions below...

Read Paul Horrell's first drive of the 599 HGTE