Geneva 2012: RUF’s new Porsches

Imagine Porsche is a dentistry. You and your poorly tooth would arrive in an anti-bacterial surgery, beautiful German men/women/other (delete as appropriate) would have your notes prepared then gently usher you into a serene sleep. Shortly after, you'd wake up in no discernable pain. Richard Hammond would be there. It'd be... pleasant.

Now let's apply the same metaphor to German Porsche tuners, RUF. You'd follow a sign written in blood into a black warehouse. There would be screaming, cackled laughter and loud death metal. Your last memory would be lunatic coming out you with a hammer, then, several days later you'd wake up with perfect teeth. Only they'd be bright green. And you'd have no pants on.

In short, RUF makes Porsches mental.

And, to celebrate its 35th birthday, the German tuner's been showing off its latest wares at the 2012 Geneva motor show. And they're rather good...

Now click on and see for yourself...

This is the first turbocharged version of the 2012 991 911 in the known universe.

RUF reckons the 3.8-litre flat-six engine makes 630bhp and will get to 205mph.

That's quite fast. 

It's called the RUF RXL and it's a stretched Panamera. The wheelbase has been drawn out over 400 millimeters - 250 millimeters at the B pillar and 150 millimeters at the rear door.

Is it terrible that we love this a bit?

It looks a bit like a Cayman, but we don't care. The 750bhp, 229mph RUF CTR3 Clubsport is AWESOME.

And here's one with its clothes off. Look at the flat-six on that...

It's called the RUF GT 8 and it's a 911 with a... flat-crank V8. The engine's of the tuner's own design and sounds utterly ridiculous.

Click here for a wobbly video of one

We would do things we're not allowed to publish to own this.