Ten things we learned this week

You should know just how barmy Nissan's new LMP1 challenger is by now. If its long bonnet, front-drive, front-engine proportions weren't eye-boggling enough, then how about the GT-R LM shorn of all bodywork?

The cynical might suggest it's way more attractive. Us? We just can't stop looking at it, eyes drawn in by the shiny inner workings of the engine, and that oddly protruding driver pod.

With 1250bhp at its disposal (at least), Nissan's LMP1 contender stands a very real chance of ending Audi's La Sarthe dominance this year. Quite how quick it is without its intensely aerodynamic bodywork is another thing, though...

...and we're having an office whip round to try and liven up our tea rounds. We jest, of course, but just about every other asset of Caterham's doomed F1 team is now up for sale, following the outfit's slide into administration last October.

So says the ad: "Offered for Sale: Race & Pit Lane Equipment, 2014 Chassis and Show Cars, F1 Memorabilla, Engineering Plant and Machinery, Works Equipment, IT, Office Furniture & Equipment."

Highlights? Some almighty car transporter trailers and mobile hospitality suites. An incredible curved screen-equipped race simulator, which we're eyeing up for OTT Forza sessions. And the wonderfully Bond villain-esque ‘super computer'. Click here if you're an F1 fan with a credit card that requires rapid melting...

We don't have to preach to you the dangers of straying onto a railway crossing when a train is approaching. Common sense should take care of that. But nevertheless, plenty of drivers (and cyclists) get themselves in a right tizz when it comes to risky last-second dashes across the tracks.

The British Transport Police is running a campaign to scare those risk takers into sitting tight behind the lights or barriers. And this video, posted on Facebook this week, is one of its most cringeworthy, as a Land Rover makes it over the line with barely split-seconds to spare.

Or does it? Comments below it suggest the rear of the Defender was clipped, albeit only damaging a taillight. Needless to say, there's all manner of comments about "brown pants" and "natural selection" too, but top wit points go to this one: "Lucky it was a 90, not a 110..."

A month ago we brought you news that the Bugatti Veyron had nearly sold out. Well, news has reached the internet this week that the final eight Veyrons have been snapped up, and will roll off the production line later this year.

That means that Veyron production will cease at 450 units: 400 hard-tops [EDIT: yes, 300 hard-tops, our bad], and 150 roadsters. Of which only one has driven the length of Route 66.

And to mark this momentous occasion, Bugatti is celebrating the only way it knows how, with a Veyron special edition seeing the bright lights of the Geneva show halls next month. Just like at the 2014 Geneva motor show, in fact. And the year before. And the year before that. And...

Last week we showed you Merc's big-budget Super Bowl ad, in which its new AMG GT supercar was seamlessly interwoven into that moral-preaching kids' classic, the Tortoise and the Hare.

This week, MB has brought us an ad perhaps even cleverer, with evidence of a very finely tuned sense of humour in Stuttgart. Here, the AMG GT's most obvious rival - the Porsche 911 - is acknowledged in fine style.

Though at 0:08, Merc has highlighted just how nape-prickling its rival's howling flat-six can be. Oops.

AMG news of a different kind, courtesy of some ludicrously expensive new colour options for the bonkers-fast G-Wagen.

Browse the car's brochure (can we call it a ‘car'?) and you'll find plenty of takes on brown, grey and black. But if iridium and obsidian are way too subtle for you, worry not: dig deep enough into your pocket and Mercedes will rectify that.

How unsubtle? ‘Alien Green', ‘Tomato Red', and ‘Galactic Beam' are just some of the names bestowed upon the Rainbow Sheikh-like hues.

How deep? They range from 15,000 to 20,000 euros on the G63 and G65 options lists, the equivalent of around £11,000 to £15,000. Money, taste, can't buy, etc...

Another neat segue, from Merc's frivolous styling options to Porsche's. While our gaze has been locked on the utterly wonderful sounding Cayman GT4 this week, the 911 has gained some new expensive tick-boxes for owners worried its upstart little brother will steal its thunder.

‘Aerokit Turbo' brings with it a new front splitter and rear spoiler, and is designed to boost both the aerodynamics and aesthetics of the 911 Turbo and Turbo S.

Downforce has been upped without scuppering the 911's drag coefficient, while there are lots of eye-catching flicks and fins to set your 500-and-many horsepower 911 apart from others.

Priced from £4000, you can have your Aerokit painted body colour or gloss black. Tempted?

What you do when your car's petrol light illuminates probably says an awful lot about you. Immediately route yourself to the nearest filling station, fill the tank until there's fuel on your shoes, then fill the rest of the car with emergency bottles of water and two-for-£1 Kit Kat Chunkys? You're careful and risk-averse.

Or do you take it as provocation, passing signs for service stations with reckless abandon, trying to clock up more miles on the trip-meter than last time? You're a carefree, risk-loving rapscallion.

Either way, we applaud you if you don't stop the car immediately. While travelling in the outside lane of the M25. A motorway whose congestion hell has to be experienced to be understood...

That's exactly what one Audi Q7 driver did recently, immediately perturbed by the shining petrol pump logo in a car she wasn't accustomed too. Thankfully, and somewhat improbably, no accident followed. In the words of Surrey Police's roads unit, who identified the cause of her somewhat OTT panic, "#M25 driver's fuel warning light came on so they immediately stopped in lane 3! #doh". Quite.

The Geneva motor show is looking to be a classic this year. This week alone has given us previews of three of its show stars, and the Ferrari 488, Ford Focus RS and Porsche Cayman GT4 are likely to be cars we'll talk about for years to come.

Also getting in on the act is Morgan, though it's keeping its wooden-framed cards rather closer to its chest at the moment. Here's what we've been told thus far: "We are excited to announce that the 85th International Geneva Motorshow 2015 will play host to the world premiere of a new Morgan. We look forward to sharing further information with you over the next few weeks."

Cryptic, eh? So over to you. What form should the new Morgan - aka Richard Hammond's likely next car - take?

...and it makes noise. McLaren's frustratingly drawn-out teasing of its 675 Longtail continues his week through the medium of photography, motion picture and sound (though scant amount of each).

We have learnt that the V8 supercar a) has a pair of exhaust pipes rounder than those on the 650S it's based upon and b) will make a fairly throaty noise. They will sit below the 675 LT's airbrake.

That's all we've gleaned this week, though. The titillation continues...