Land Rover Defender news - Defender goes posh - 2009

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The Land Rover Defender has always done ‘luxury transport' about as well as the Ariel Atom does ‘all-weather comfort'. Incredible off-road competence? Yep. Quad-speed arse massage and 32-speaker sound system? Not so much.

But with buyers demanding relaxed buttocks and surround sound as well as the ability to scale cliff faces, Land Rover has relented. Hence the ‘Fire' and ‘Ice' Defenders, a pair of limited-edition mudpluggers aiming to muscle in on X5/Q7/M-Class territory.

OK, they don't actually have arse massage seats and 32-speaker surround sound, but they've got just about everything else. Recaro bucket seats, leather and Alcantara trim, diamond-turned alloys, glass sunroof, colour-coded headlights and taillights, and a capacious boot absolutely devoid of pregnant sheep or deer carcasses.

It even has a twiddly knob to control the volume of the noise coming from the stereo. And windows that go both up and down. Luxury indeed.

Sadly we won't see the ‘Fire' and/or ‘Ice' Defenders in the UK: the luxo-workhorse is only going on sale in Austria, Belgium, Brazil, China - OK, quite a lot of places, actually - and will be limited to a mere 850 cars, with prices starting at 68,400 Euro.

Sorry, but we have to ask: why, Land Rover? This is even dafter than that SVX thing. A luxury Defender is as absurd as... a stripped-out Phantom Drophead, surely? Or a four-seat SUV coupe?

Or... well, let's hear your best efforts. In 10 words or less, a luxury Defender is even dafter than...