Five things we want to see in the next Mario Kart game

Here’s what we know about the upcoming Mario Kart game coming to Switch 2: it exists. Probably. Transmission ends.

Nintendo showed a few seconds of a new and as-yet unnamed incarnation of its legendary kart racing series in the Switch 2 announcement trailer, then maintained a very enigmatic silence about it thereafter.

Which means that at the time of writing, the next Mario Kart is a blank slate. Pure, undriven snow upon which we can impose our imaginations, constructing a theoretical game out of pure whimsy because, frankly, Nintendo has left us very little else to do until it drops some actual details.

These, then, are those whimsies. To our mind, this is the only way to improve upon the imperious Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, a near-perfect offering with dozens upon dozens of tracks from the series’ long history, a great balance of characters and kart customisation, and an accessible but precise handling model with a high skill ceiling.

You can get your hands dirty when you’re setting up online play sessions in Mario Kart 8, but in the single-player realm you pretty much just tick off the predetermined championships Nintendo’s arranged for you. 

But it could be so much more. Give us the power to select how many races comprise a championship, how many laps those races last, which power-ups are available in them, and how starting grids are determined, and we’ll build some epic spectacles that make the 2021 F1 season look like the 2021 World Series of Paint Drying by comparison.

Nintendo’s usually bang up for letting us play at being Miyamoto and making our own levels in its first-party Mario titles. But so far in the Mario Kart series, only Mario Kart Live has handed over the keys to the kingdom in this manner - and being a mixed reality game and all, it kinda has to.

We propose a track creation suite in this mysterious Switch 2 release. Imagine the impossible Rainbow Road variations that the community will devise to torment itself with. Picture the drift courses and the clever shortcuts. Nothing can replace the earnest, childlike wonder that Nintendo instils in its official tracks – it’s testament to this that grown adults can race hard around a course called Sweet Sweet Canyon without a shred of shame – but custom creations would be a lovely counterpart.

It’s time, isn’t it? You never get to close the loop on those outrageous, brutally unfair moments. The races that you’ve been leading, driving flawlessly for two and three-quarter laps, and then get hit by a random blue shell with the finish line in sight, get hit again by Bowser on the way past, get hit by a red shell this time, get knocked off the edge of the track by Donkey Kong, then finally limp across the line, incandescent with impotent fury, in P7.

That’s all part of the experience, and we’re not suggesting that it should be removed. No. What we want is revenge. It never truly feels like the beef’s been squashed when you unleash an item on the blue shell-thrower in the next race, does it? But what if there was a way to reverse the action as it’s happening? What if there’s just one frame in which you could hit a counter and send the blue shell on an unstoppable homing mission back to its vendor? We can but hope.

We know Mario Kart isn’t a serious motorsport management sim, but hear us out on this. Imagine picking your team colours and seeing them applied to whichever kart chassis you select. Imagine having to sign certain characters, grinding away until you can entice that elite Mario and Yoshi driver combo.

You might even have to rest those drivers and bring young proteges up through the ranks in their stead when their energy levels are depleted. Or develop new parts that repel red shells, or increase the chances of picking up a star power-up from the boxes. There’s untapped potential in this area, and you can have this intellectual property gratis, Nintendo.

Peach is looking strong in P1 on a lovely pink pram with Zelda wheels on it and a glider from Animal Crossing. She’s got Luigi on a big blue motorbike behind her, gaining speed through the tighter corners but losing out on the straights. But who’s this surging towards them in P3?

It’s you, in a 5.0-litre, twelve-cylinder BMW, sending the back end of your stealthy supercar saloon out at outrageous angles, showing that early ‘90s engineering can still cut it with the likes of the Biddybuggy, Cat Cruiser and Pipeframe.

And before you dismiss this one as sheer preposterousness, remember that Mario Kart 8 did actually include a Mercedes 300 SL Roadster as DLC. There’s a precedent for vintage German sports cars, so why not our personal favourite from the archives? Exactly. Literally no reason not to.