Toyota Land Cruiser - long-term review

This is, without argument*, the best car in the Top Gear Garage. A big fat diesel workhorse that looks brilliant and feels impenetrable. After a bit of time getting used to it, here, in no particular order, are five Good Things, and one Bad Thing.

*actually a bit of an argument 

GOOD: there's a fuel flap button

You have to pull a button to open the fuel flap. Properly old-school. And totally unnecessary, but who knows these days — maybe there’s a fuel-theft mafia I haven’t met. At least it makes filling up feel like operating a vintage car.

GOOD: it has a cool split tailgate

The rest of the car world shelved long ago, probably because a bike-loving bean counter said so. But they’re unbelievably practical — loading and unloading becomes toddler-level easy, and you can park inches from a hedge without turning your boot into a shrub.

Bonus: there’s a pair of fold-out rear seats that pop up at the touch of a boot button. Instant taxi for those extra kids you have to ferry home after sports day.

GOOD: there's a built-in fridge

OK, this isn't exactly retro, but it remains brilliant: buy a four-pack on Friday and chill it en route home. This is the sort of feature civilisation has been crying* out for.

*possibly zero crying
 

GOOD: it has a real spare tyre

Remember these? Cars used to come with actual wheels until someone (probably that same bean counter) realised space and weight take up valuable real estate you can fill with... things that aren't incredibly useful spare wheels. So in came foam repair kits, which are a bit like a fast food fix - instant satisfaction, long-term damage.

Give me a proper wheel, thanks.

GOOD: we like the diesel four-pot!

People howl about a diesel in something like this but I like it: torquey enough to hustle the heavy beast, reliably efficient (36-40 mpg) for its size, and far preferable to a thirsty V6 or V8 in my book. That said, £80K for a four-cylinder diesel does raise eyebrows and questions involving spreadsheets. It’s that bean counter again!

BAD: bongs! So many bongs!

Good god they’re relentless. I feel watched at all times — which, fine, I am — but do I need a symphony every time I glance at a cow? Stop the orchestra, Toyota.