Mercedes-Benz S-Class S500 4Matic - long-term review

There’s a neat bit of dystopian future-gazing in the brilliant Blade Runner 2049 that refers to something called the ‘Blackout’. Details are sketchy but it seems an EMP – electromagnetic pulse – has knocked out the grid at some point, destroying all electronic records and data. It makes life way harder for the film’s hero, K (Ryan Gosling). 

He ought to try operating the new Mercedes S-Class. Or indeed trying to get a reservation at certain restaurants. Yesterday I met someone from a ‘fintech’ – a portmanteau of finance and technology – company called Klarna, which is disrupting the whole credit card model. What they all have in common is a heavy reliance on an app, along with pretty much everything else in 2022 – parking, vaccination status, streaming, fast food delivery (that last one… how lazy do you have to be?). 

Aware of Mercedes’ massive push towards the rapidly evolving online economy, a product expert was dispatched to take me through the S-Class’s bewildering world of opportunity. His name was David Axford and he was very tall and equally patient. This was immediately tested when he asked me to download the Mercedes Me App, at which point I told him my iPhone was so full I didn’t think there would be space.

I was correct; now I know what crestfallen looks like. Anyway, I could have migrated a lot of the rubbish clogging up my phone – including a load of novelty apps like the one that mimics a Moog synthesizer – to the iCloud, but having dropped the phone a week earlier, and watching its battery life fall off a cliff as only a three-year old iPhone can do, I upgraded to a new one.

So yes, on one level I ponied up for a new phone so I could have a more emotionally enriching relationship with a car. 

Of course, this has all being going on for a while. EVs lean into this stuff very heavily, but the S-Class still ups the ante. So I can now use my phone to park the thing remotely (haven’t tried it yet, need a few brave pills for that one), optimise the navigation, receive alerts if the car comes under attack, use it as a mobile office, beef up the MBUX voice assistant (the best I’ve yet used in a car), get tips on well-being and mindfulness, and integrate with ‘smart home’ (if I buy the right kit from Merc’s preferred suppliers).

I can also do less expensive things like check the tyre pressures, fuel level, and pre-heat the cabin. All just the tip of a very big and profitable iceberg. 

"We made a choice several years ago to massively increase our investment in the digital space. We’ve been recruiting and building up digital hubs around the world. In Silicon Valley, in Stuttgart, in Beijing and Berlin, and our cloud computing team is in Seattle," Daimler CEO Ola Källenius told me last year. "So this isn’t something that’s entirely new for us, but it’s a must if you want to be a leading luxury brand. People want this tech, and what comes with it. So we’re not just doing it to satisfy our engineering dreams, this is hardcore business."

He continues, "We’ve been looking at recurring revenues: there are some things that can be turned into subscriptions or individual buys, at point of sale and afterwards. The more features we add, the more opportunities we have. There are some things you expect a Mercedes to have, and some we can charge for." Mercedes is targetting €1bn euro profit from this by 2025… 

K’s car could fly in Blade Runner. Imagine the app for that.