BMW M5 - long-term review

“It’s not very often bikes get in the way of cars across here,” says Peter Hickman. Well, no, but then we are doing 160mph and seeing as the biker had his knee down a couple of corners back, I don’t think he’s a slouch. “I don’t think this lad knows where he’s going,” continues Hicky, “normally I’d be doing about 190-ish through here.”

We’re on a public road. You know which one – the infamous Mountain section of the Isle of Man TT course. I hope you know who Hickman is too, a 14-time TT winner and the fastest man to ever lap the legendary 37.7-mile course. His record stands at 16mins 36.115secs, at an average speed of 136.358mph.

But not tonight, because he’s driving my M5 Touring around. It’s one of the most fascinating drives of my life. Hicky knows every drain cover, bump, hedgerow gap and kerbstone. The following day he’ll get more intimate with the road surface at Kerrowmoar than he intended, resulting in a few broken bones before race week has even got underway after he “got off the bike at 140mph”. As you do. Still, by the standards of TT accidents, he has a small one.

The majority of my lap with him happens at two speeds: the one he’s driving, and the one he’s talking about. Because as we potter round behind Kias and vans, never exceeding the speed limit, he’s talking a different language. One that involves 80-metre jumps, lining lamp posts up with bathroom windows, kissing hedgerows, checking gauges at 190mph and sentences like this: “We’re coming up to a place called Black Dub, we’re going to short shift through third and fourth, keep the bike as calm as possible, about 145-150mph, jump over the top of here, both wheels off the floor, land, pull to the right hand side, back one gear into the left, it’s off-camber with a jump in it, it’s horrible."

It's practice week and you can already see black lines painted where the bikes are wheelspinning. “My back wheel does about a mile more than the front over the course of a lap with wheelspin and the front wheel popping off the ground," he says. "On the big bikes we are literally at full throttle for 50 per cent of the lap, on the little bikes it’s more like 75 per cent.”

The smaller twins and triples do 160mph, but his BMW M1000RR SuperStock and Superbike have over 250-260bhp at the wheel (“more like 300bhp at the crank”) and hit 200mph at several points around the lap. The bikes have a minimum weight of 168kg. Even with rider and fuel you’re well beyond a 1:1 power to weight ratio. Hicky’s a strapping 6ft 2in. “Round here, it helps to be big so you can boss the bike, throw it from side to side."

BMW supplies cars for the TT – X5s for the medics, M3s and M5s as course cars, S1000 bikes for the travelling marshalls. The previous night I’d had a lap with chief official driver James Mylchreest. He’s the fourth generation of his family to perform that role. The TT’s that kind of event. World famous, but run locally. Reopening the course after an evening practice session we’d been doing 80mph through villages. It felt ridiculous. The bikes are through at well over twice that speed.

The Mountain section is one-way during the TT festival. Hicky is a calm, laid back driver, the M5 settles in his hands. It’s an upgrade from his first trip here, learning the course in a 1.0-litre Fiesta. “I did a lot of homework, played PlayStation games, watched onboard laps, but I did seven trips in my first year, 2014, coming over in the months before the races for two days at a time, and doing a minimum of five laps a day. So at least 70 hours of driving round and round in a Fiesta. Just driving round with the music on. I wanted it to feel like the drive to work. My theory was the more I drove round and round the TT course the more I’d know it without having to think about trying to learn it.”

That seems to have paid off. We stop at the Bungalow section to get a shot of him leaning on the car, and the cloud closes in. When we set back off – after he’s patiently posed for selfies with gobsmacked fans who can’t believe who’s just pulled up – visibility is down to maybe 30 metres. Hicky’s commentary doesn’t miss a beat, as turn-in points, mid-corner bumps and cambers are mentioned before they emerge from the grey gloom.

I can’t believe the love the M5 Touring gets on the island – and that’s before I tell people the shade is called Isle of Man green. I assumed bikers would only have eyes for bikes, but every time we stop the compliments flow. Way better looking as a Touring, way more useful too. It’s the perfect tool for a ride with Hickey – I sit high enough that I can see what he’s talking about, the big seats support and envelop, and tightening the suspension up a notch removes most of the heave and jounce.

The V8 delivers background thunder and, it turns out, enough power and speed for this beefy great super-estate to keep a fast bike honest. Hadn’t expected that. More to do with the driver than the car though.