Jackson Lamb’s Honda Civic 1.4i Sport review: gloriously yellow, gloriously awful

What on earth is that?

Trying to explain the significance of this car would be like trying to explain Norway to a dog.

Huh?

This, friends, is the gloriously yellow and gloriously awful Honda Civic driven by television’s greasiest, wittiest, and most entertaining MI5 agent.

Photography: Jonny Fleetwood

Oh, of course. Jackson Lamb.

That’s right! This is Jackson Lamb’s Honda Civic, the exact car Sir Gary Oldman drives in Apple TV+’s quite brilliant smash hit, Slow Horses. And in news that’ll probably not surprise you, this Honda Civic is… a slow horse.

So it’s a creaky building on top of an Italian restaurant full of rejected MI5 agents?

No, it’s a 2001, sixth generation ‘EK’ series Honda Civic with a small 1.4-litre four-cylinder engine that, much like said rejected agents, hides a little embarrassingly under the bonnet.

Attached to that is a five-speed gearbox sending around 90 very hard-working Japanese horsepowers and around 90 torques to the front wheels.

TopGear.com does not know if Honda ever bothered with a 0-62mph time. TopGear.com could not and did not make it to 62mph, so it’s moot.

If it’s ferrying around a high-ranking MI5 agent, is it safe?

Back in 1998, Euro NCAP tested the Honda Civic and gave it an average rating, noting how “the Civic gave reasonable protection”. That’s testing against front, side, and pedestrian impact.

Euro NCAP did not however, test it against five-year-old Jaffa Cakes, lollipops that feature actual mould, yellowed newspapers, a smattering of crusty takeaway leaflets, old cigarette packets and a lingering sense of a bacterial infection lurking just out of sight but very much in your nose.

TopGear.com suspects it would not perform well in this test. TopGear.com also regrets not applying some kind of protective lotion or wearing a hazmat suit upon entering Jackson Lamb’s old Civic.

Is it a practical car?

If you’re Jackson Lamb, then yes, it’s very practical. There is plenty of space for your discarded Jaffa Cake packets and wrappers, plenty of cubby holes to stuff in decaying parking fines and penalty notices and old cigarette packets.

There is a reasonable amount of space in the rear for ferrying around your losers, and a reasonably sized boot useful for keeping… things TopGear.com wished it had never seen or smelt. There was a decaying sponge. And a whiff of something that definitely didn’t originate from this planet. Do not ask.

If it’s an MI5 car, does it have cool gadgets?

Here’s a potentially fun fact: this sixth-generation Honda Civic was the first to come with a CD player! Lamb’s Civic is gloriously analogue, with dials for the heating and ventilation, air conditioning and air vents, along with an aftermarket CD player.

What is Jackson Lamb’s Honda Civic like to drive?

Contemporary rivals included the Volkswagen Golf Mk4, Vauxhall Astra (Mk3 and Mk4), and first-gen Ford Focus. While the Golf and Astra weren’t exactly beacons, the Ford Focus is the standout here, because even in base spec it’s a good ‘un.

However, TopGear.com can confidently assert that Jackson Lamb’s Honda Civic steers, accelerates and brakes consistently, and without fault. It also feels ludicrous and brilliant driving a mobile petri dish painted bright yellow under the noses of unsuspecting Londoners.

What with this being a humdrum 2001 Honda Civic – and not, say, a Ferrari 458 Speciale – there is a fair bit of play in the steering wheel. But it’s nice and heavy and feels… well used.

The engine doesn’t sound… great, but it’s fine. Makes a worryingly fluidy noise on start-up, as though even its own coolant is attempting to escape the grot inside, but during a day mostly spent stuck in traffic, it didn’t actually put a foot wrong.

Also worryingly, if you find yourself in Jackson Lamb’s Honda Civic, do not put your foot in the wrong place. Things be growing.

But it’s a 1.4i ‘Sport’!

It is not sporty. Though while it drones a bit when you ask it to do something quickly, it works. Flawlessly. It is a Honda after all, and – as a helpful postman explained to TG, ‘everything on it will fall apart but the engine and gearbox will keep going forever’.

It’s also only covered 71,626 miles, which means it’s barely run in!

The gearbox is actually a good ‘un. It is a Honda after all. Smooth, untaxing shift. Five forward gears and a lightly crunchy reverse, just like ye good olde days. Each gear feels what they’d call positive and what Lamb would likely call ‘….’. One suspects Lamb isn’t really concerned with the nuance of a nicely calibrated manual gearbox. Sir Gary is, though, as we found out here.

The brakes too are sound. And there’s something gloriously freeing about driving something that someone has taken so very little care of. You’re not scared of dinging the doors or bumpers, or fearful that any of the trim bits might fall off or that there’s a rotting Jaffa Cake in the footwell or a very weird organism growing in the gearstick gaiter.

It’s an absolute loser, but it’s… our loser.