Ten things we learned this week: 30 June 2017 edition

Yes, the lumbering misery box that is the bus has made a Reading man’s day infinitely more invigorating – collecting him like Wile E Coyote and depositing him 45ft down the road in the sort of manner he doubtless wishes it hadn’t.

Thankfully, as we said, he managed to ride the front of the bus – much like the world’s worst carnival ride – rather than fall underneath it.

Afterwards, he picked himself up and walked directly into the pub. “For refuge,” he said later.

Video here via BBC News

Chalk it up to the perks of having your company’s name on the side of the race car, we guess – Richard Branson has signed on to be the third (i.e. reserve) driver for the New York Formula E GP in July.

The appointment came after Sir Branson threatened to turn Virgin Mobile into a real-life re-enactment of that bit in Kingsmen, including making people kill each other to ‘Free Bird’ by Lynyrd Skynyrd, unless he got a go “of that really cool ’leccy go-kart thing.”

Okay, that was a lie.

Some other, less fun turn of events actually happened, but there is the slight chance that you’ll see Sir Richard Branson’s helmet racing around. And that’s something to tune in for, right?

Um. So, this’ll take some explaining. Honda, it seems, has paid 12 performance artists to bend themselves in various shapes for reasons that are still inadequately explained.

Making excellent use of their Bachelor of Fine Arts degrees, the 12 men and women have donned Zentai bodysuits and cavorted in a manner that could almost be confused with a car. Y’know. If you squint.

Why? Beats the everloving bejesus out of us. Perhaps it’s a car manufacturer celebrating the thing that keeps them in business? Except that doesn’t work, because Honda makes roughly everything from jets to marine engines.

“Is that all?” asks Yamaha, listening to a Yamaha robot playing a Yamaha piano through a Yamaha stereo, after the robot rode a Yamaha motorcycle to get to the recording studio that Yamaha also built.

As we’ve reported previously, this year’s Goodwood theme is Bernie Ecclestone. And this year’s sculpture is in recognition of his influence over the sport.

We’re actually pretty big fans of sculptor Gerry Judah’s finished product, which uses the the progression of the cars themselves as an analogue to describe Ecclestone’s career progression – “as a driver, manager, team owner, impresario and legend of the sport.”

Say what you will about the man – F1 wouldn’t be what it is without him.

But this goes way beyond calling half of their model range something beginning with 500. This time, they’re chasing number records, it seems, with 1,495 customers collecting their new Fiat 500 in just two days. That’s a little over a car every minute, 12 hours a day, for two days. Mmm… maths.

Apparently, the 1500-odd cars were given away in a co-promotion with Italian supermarket chain Esselunga, which turns sixty this year. Fiat went so far to create a special edition 500, complete with Esselunga stickers and a commemorative plaque.

So, Tesco’s turning 100 in 2019… who’s up for a limited-edition Vauxhall Tesco Corsa? Because, y’know, every little helps.

Perhaps one of the best road trip movies of all time, Planes, Trains and Automobiles is turning 30 this year. Yes, 30.

For those of you who haven’t seen it, it’s set around Steve Martin and John Candy’s three-day (mis)adventure to Chicago from New York, but is obviously more than that. It has one of Martin’s funniest (and perhaps sweariest) monologues, as well as a few moments guaranteed to hit you directly in the feels. It’s probably one of John Hughes’s best-ever flicks – yeah, we said it. Although, do go ahead and tell us why it should be Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or Uncle Buck. We’ll find it hard to argue.

But in terms of big anniversaries for road trip movies, kudos has to go to Smokey and the Bandit, which is turning 40 this year. As plots go, it’s about as simple – and flimsy – as a paper plate, but anything that involves powersliding a T-top muscle car through the southern United States is all right in our book. Hoon responsibly, kids! And always with Sally Field.

Also, Death Proof is 10. Yup. Time and tide, and so on.

Or, at least it can be – in this case, a French charity by the name of Mécénat Chirurgie Cardiaque (Cardiac Surgery Fund, give or take) teamed up with Le Mans to save children’s lives. How? Um. They spoke a lot of French, but we’re pretty sure the gist of it is that they worked with drivers and spectators at the Le Mans 24 Hour – which they’ve done since 2009 – to raise money to help sick kids. If we’ve got our Google translate working, they managed to save 13 kids’ lives in 24 Hours.

Well done all round, we say.

Yes, you have two times the Fiat 500 news this week, you lucky devil.

So, even though the ‘new’ 500 is decidedly retro already, Fiat went ahead and doubled down on the 1960s La Bella Italia vibe with old-school wheels, colours and accents to better reflect the cutesy original. Inside, however, it’s stuffed full of tech, a nod to the technological advancements of the 1960s, and a great way to pad out a salesman’s advertising spiel.

But, true retro believers will be glad to know that it’s only available with the 1.2-litre engine, so performance should be decidedly period-correct.

So, McLaren is now even more McLaren-y, thanks to McLaren joining with McLaren to make McLaren. Yeah, that makes sense.

To clarify, McLaren Automotive, which makes cars like the excellent 720S has joined forces with McLaren Technology Group, which makes something for Fernando Alonso to watch the Formula 1 GP from the back. Now, much like the Megazord in Power Rangers, the newly minted, rather massive concern, known as the McLaren Group, will do battle with men in ill-fitting rubber costumes… er, build cars and stuff.

Ten Things doesn't normally get lost for words, but this week's final entrant has left Ten Things a little speechless: a group of Russian motoring enthusiasts have built a car version of the fidget spinner. And it very nearly worked.

Garage 54 - based in Novosibirsk - decided that welding together the front ends of three Lada Samaras was a Good Idea, in a bid to make a car-based version of the fiendishly addictive toy. 

"You saw it yourself. It looks like a real spinner. We didn't get the crazy spinning, as the cars started to break down," Garage 54 told BBC News. Ah yes, breaking down. 

But, while the attempt very nearly worked - the cars didn't spin, only went around in a large circle - the FrankenSamara was later dismantled via a large tow rope and copious amounts of SUV.

Full story via BBC News