Ten things we learned this week: 2 December 2016 edition

Volvo wagons have become a familiar symbol of the British traffic cop, with good reason – they’re spacious enough to swallow miscreants and faithful police dogs, and in days gone by they were rather fast too. There’s no performance version of the lovely new V90 yet, but that didn’t stop it scoring the highest rating ever in Sweden’s own police car evaluation test. After tackling a brake test, an obstacle course, evasive action tests and high-speed emergency driving, it gained a 9.2 out of a possible 10. Are you listening, British constabulary? 

Speed bumps do a decent job of slowing cars in cities down. Thing is, canny, rushed drivers speed up between the bumps to make up time. Obviously. This constant concertina of harsh acceleration and braking is causing havoc with air quality, a report this week has announced. In fact, the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence in the UK says smoother driving – and fewer speed bumps – would help bring down the 25,000 deaths every year linked to dreadful urban air quality. Think about that next time you’re trying to 'make time' in a dash across town…

At the reveal of the new Ford Fiesta, its maker let slip another newsy nugget – that it’s bringing self-driving cars to Europe. Having promised to offer a fully self-driving car by 2021, Ford’s been beavering away in the US with radar and sensor-festooned Mondeos, 30 of which are heading for a European programme of testing next year. So if you see one, try not to interfere – it’s learning stuff that your next Fiesta will one day need to know. Maybe.

Bad news for German Formula One fans. The provisional calendar for next year’s World Championship is out, and the German GP isn’t on it. Traditionally it alternates between Hockenheim and the Nurburgring. Next year it was set to be the ‘Ring’s turn, but they can’t afford it and a deal that would’ve seen Hockenheim host for the second year running couldn’t be finalised. So, no German GP.  Which means no home GP for the reigning World Champion. Oh, hang on...

So far this year Mercedes has built 20,000 G-Wagens, making 2016 the Big G’s best year ever. Yep, people are still buying this thing. It’s been around since the Seventies, is as dynamically talented as an HGV and costs nearly £100K in its most basic, civilian form – but it has genuine appeal for some reason. It’s logic defyingly tempting, the G – and if you’ve the money to indulge, then why the hell not.

A few years ago, London banished the bendy bus. The lengthy red conjoined buses were deemed too big for our narrow streets and binned in favour of the new Routemaster. But that doesn’t mean these slinkys-on-wheels can’t work elsewhere in the world. Places like Brazil, for instance.

They’re getting even bendier bendy buses over there, by adopting a three-bus-in-one bendy, bendy bus – the largest bus in the world in fact.

It’s made by Volvo and called the Gran Artic 300, a biarticulated chassis – your traditional bendy bus but with two bending elements rather than one – that can carry 300 passengers. Which, during a hot, sweaty rush hour must be, er, sweaty.

Ten Things got inexplicably excited this week upon hearing news that Oldham Council was inviting suggestions to name its new yellow gritter. We know, slow news week and all that.

However, Ten Things' excitement was quickly tempered upon hearing news of the winner. Yes, 'Nicole Saltslinger' (named after you know who) is an admirable effort, but surely the suggestion of 'Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Anti-Slip Machiney' wins literally every competition ever?

If you can do better - and you probably can't - please feel free to have a go below.

Probably. But before they do that, they will be quite excellent. Mercedes has announced a "revolution" in headlight technology: intelligent lights that scan and recognise the road ahead and adapt accordingly.

Yup, intelligent headlights. Scary. But incredible. The HD light boasts more than two million micromirrors per car. Camera and radar sensors pick up road users, traffic incidents and so forth, while algorithms far too complicated and working in a time frame that is inexplicable for human consumption then turn that into hazard detection. So for example, it if spots pedestrians by the side of the road, the lights beam a zebra crossing onto the road. If it detects the car in front is too close, it projects a warning. It can even project your sat nav onto the road ahead, which in itself is quite amazing.

Missing road markings? Your Benz will simply scan them onto the road. Oncoming road user? It'll lower the brightness so as not to blind anyone else. Poor road conditions, roadworks, even signs... all beamed onto the road so you can see it as clear as, well, light.

"The decisive factor is not the technology in the headlamp but the digital intelligence behind it", says Daimler's Gunter Fischer, who is head of exterior body development and vehicle operating systems.

Digital intelligence, soon to be found on a Benz near you in the very near future...