Treat the Chiron lover in your life with these obscene Bugatti stocking fillers

Earphone technology has come on leaps and bounds: remember the days when listening to podcasts (way before they were trendy) meant uncoiling a wire and physically inserting it into an iPod nano? Madness.

Anyway, Bugatti claims these wireless buds offer ‘exceptional sound quality’, with active noise cancellation and wind-reducing tech that uses six microphones to make your phone calls on the go sound at least vaguely audible to the person on the other end of the line. They’re made from durable ceramic used in timepieces too. Three colour options and 12 hours of listening time, with a case-slash-charger providing 30 more. Shipping is free. And we should think so, given the price.

Price: £369

The “pinnacle of luxury smartwatch technology” is quite the claim. Bugatti backs up its words with a high-strength, titanium cover and scratch-resistant bezel, as well as tech to match: it features a dual sensor for measuring your heart rate, and will use the data to aid your recovery from exercise. Then it’ll chip in with training tips, measure your stress levels and - gulp - assess your biological age. Not sure we want to know…

Slightly more on point is the GPS system that will log lap times and acceleration, which Bugatti claims is a first on planet smartwatch. It weighs 105g, so it’s light enough to not be the root cause of your slow track day times.

The only snag is that you can’t get one of these until February 2024 now. Save it for Pancake Day instead?

Price: £1,359

Want to pretend that you’re an 18th century aristocrat without the hassle of dressing up like one? Simply order a couple of these for your mantlepiece. Apparently they’re inspired by Carlo Bugatti once saying that “the purest perfect shape of nature is the egg”. Okay then.

These sculptures are made from carbon fibre and encased in a silver sterling diamond weave lattice, so it’ll never be the source of any comedy-vase-shattering-moments in your residents. Oh and it comes with an NFT, for reasons we are never likely to comprehend.

The asking price is gargantuan. For that money we’d expect it to hatch a carbon fibre chicken in the spring…

Price: from £16,000 ($20k)

Don’t be fooled by the image, these speakers are enormous: 1.44m tall and weighing in at 217kg apiece, to be precise. Probably won’t fit on your desk then. Unless it’s made of marble.

Still, its creator claims the diamond diaphragm speaker and four invisible subwoofers make for ‘almost unlimited dynamic range’, and it comes with a matching music controller that’ll connect to just about any source or device imaginable. Each one can be customised to the nth degree, with carbon fibre, leather, fabrics, stainless steel, aluminium and precious metals among the options for construction. Wonder if you can get an hour-long recording of the Chiron’s 8.0-litre engine for some ASMR action?

Price: on request

Yup, another watch. This one’s in a different league though: created by Jacon & Co, it contains a miniature 16-cylinder engine that fires up (not literally) and moves with spinning turbos when you push down on the right-hand crown. Now that is cool.

The watch contains a 30-degree inclined flying tourbillon and is available in different materials (18-karat rose gold is pictured), and there’s even a little fuel-filler dial that’ll tell you when it needs rewinding. We dread to think what it costs, but who’d say no to a wearable W16?

Price: on request

Where there is expensive, car-branded tat, there will always be sunglasses. Today is no different, with Bugatti’s Christmas gift suggestions including these cellulose acetate-framed sunnies made in Japan. There’s some sterling silver and titanium in there too, with leather woven into the temples for cushioning. Apparently the wirecore reflects the design of Bugatti’s grilles, and there’s an anti-reflective coating for UVA and UVB protection. And by wearing them, passers-by won’t be able to identify you as someone who’s dropped $2k on Bugatti shades.

Price: £1,600 approx ($1,995)

Ah, we’ve seen the Lego Bugatti Bolide before on TopGear.com. And at $50 it’s probably the only thing on this list that we might be able to afford. Measuring 12 inches in length and five inches wide, this is essentially a 905-piece, 3D puzzle that includes scissor-opening doors, a cockpit with a turnable wheel and a W16 engine complete with moving pistons. Perfect for children or as an office paperweight.

Price: £40 approx ($49.99)

Bugatti says this ‘could be the perfect accompaniment for festive celebrations’. Because nothing screams Christmas like a limited edition bottle of Blanc de Blancs, right? Drawn from Carbon’s private cellar, this stuff is vintage from 2013 and made entirely from Grand Cru Chardonnay grapes. So far, so understandable. Open it up and you’ll be treated to scents of citrus and spring flowers that soon evolve ‘into yellow citrus, toasty notes’. Nope, you’ve lost us. Still, at least the bottle looks a bit like a Bolide.

Price: £260 approx (€300)