Top Gear Advice
Top Gear
Driving tests: your most-googled questions, answered
You asked the internet, we replied with some (possibly unhelpful) advice
Where’s the best place to take a driving test?
A driving test centre. Oh, you mean which part of the country? In which case, Cornwall. Not because it’s got the highest pass rates or quietest roads, but because, if you fail, at least you’ve got lovely views and consolation pasties.
Can I do my driving test in my own car?
Legally, yes. Practically, if, as an 18-year-old, you rock up to your driving test in a Lambo Revuelto, the examiner will assume you’re a spoiled brat, and will likely fail you. Rock up in your Suzuki Celerio, and the examiner will be overcome by the deep sadness that afflicts anyone in the presence of a Suzuki Celerio, and will likely fail you. Rock up in your BAC Mono, and the examiner will discover they have nowhere to sit, and will likely fail you.
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Why are driving tests so hard to pass?
TopGear.com doesn’t want to get all ‘deputy headteacher’ on you here, but consider this. Passing your driving test effectively gives you free rein to drive a vehicle of pretty much any potency, pretty much anywhere in the world, for pretty much the rest of your life. In exchange for this privilege, TopGear.com politely suggests it’s not too onerous a requirement to demonstrate you can pilot a Vauxhall Corsa slowly around an industrial estate for 40 minutes without spamming it into a chain-link fence.
Do driving tests get cancelled in the rain?
No, that’s Test cricket.
How do driving examiners get paid?
A surprisingly common question, this, and one with a little-known answer. Driving examiners are paid on a commission basis: £20 for each minor fault they dish out, £100 for a major fault, and £300 if they actually make the candidate cry.
Why are driving test examiners so mean?
See above.
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Can driving examiners trick you?
They can and indeed will. Common tricks deployed by driving examiners include a) issuing all instructions as cryptic riddles, like a roguish leprechaun, b) secreting an array of whoopee cushions and banana skins around the test car, and c) demanding you explain precisely why Audi decided to rebadge the A4 as the A5.
What should I do if I fail my driving test?
In TopGear.com’s own experience, the standard strategy is ‘blub inconsolably, suffer a minor panic attack, then attempt to bribe/blackmail the examiner into changing their decision’. Doesn’t work.
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