Tokyo Auto Salon 2011: gallery

Car park wisdom will pontificate that big exhausts, lowered aftermarket suspension, a ruddy great air filter and Big Speakers will make your Vauxhall Cavalier exactly 10 seconds faster than a BMW M3 around the Nurburgring.

What it won't tell you, is that such modifications usually repel the very subjects said modifications are intended to attract.

Bear this in mind as you peruse this gallery. The 2011 Tokyo Auto Salon has just closed its foil-encrusted doors, and is, in essence, a mighty version of the SEMA show in Las Vegas. Full of modders and modded cars.

Remember, the cure for insecurity isn't found buried in the pages of a tuning magazine...

Unbeknown to the visitors of the TAS, this Merc SL600 was originally custom-wrapped in onion-skin and coated with Oxo. Unfortunately, it was set upon by a group of drunken midgets. With no time left, the tuner decided Swarovski crystals ‘would have to do'.

What happens when you take a Toyota MR2, and then shoot it repeatedly IN THE FACE. Repeatedly.

‘Phew', you're thinking, ‘a brief reprise from that unrelenting assault on my eyes'. A Chrysler 300C, you quip... 

...but wait! It's actually a Prius! A Pri-ysler, if you will. Or a Chry-ius. Or just a pile of C.

A Mugen-tuned Honda Jazz. We like Mugen, so will refrain from mocking this. Suffice to say, its geriatric clientele may want to adjust their hearing aids to the ‘ARGH' position.

Toyota Corolla GT. Like yellow is going to make it ‘not-a-Corolla'. Next. 

They say hypertension is a ‘silent killer'. Wrong. Explaining to your partner that you spanked your retirement fund on modifying a Prius is the silent killer. Because she'll come at you in the night, while you're sleeping... 

Decal your washing machine and strap on a supercharger, and you get the idea behind this Gazoo Toyota iQ. Now with added ‘urgh' to remove all known credibility on a 30-degree wash! 

TG drives the iQ Gazoo Racing tuned by MN

Wikipedia states that Bison are large, even-toed ungulates; nomadic grazers who travel in herds. School-ground wisdom will also inform you that Bison is the name of the last Boss on Streetfighter 2.

We will tell you this modified Rolls-Royce Phantom, dubbed ‘Black Bison', is neither an even-toed ungulate, nor a cult video-game baddie. It is Wrong.