Ten things we learned this week: 22 September 2017 edition

Forget focus groups, industry reactions or sales figures: all you need for feedback, apparently, is Facebook.

It seems Dacia thinks so, opening the online suggestions box to FB fans of the brand and asking them what they’d improve about the current Duster. Apparently, it was keep the styling honest, improve the power steering and make the interior a more pleasant place with better sound deadening and more comfortable seats. And, if the bumf is to be believed, that’s exactly what they’ve done for the new one. 

Now, Facebook comments being what they are, we assume that Dacia was quite, er… choosy about what features it implemented. Unless it's gathered we want lighter steering from the 'gritted-teeth' and 'flexed bicep' emojis.

Ever heard of Ineos? Yeah, us neither. It's a fairly successful chemical company, by the sounds of it, with yearly turnover of about $40 billion. So, if you have a portfolio, and know what a prospectus is, you may have heard of it. But, if you’re a worker bee like the rest of us? Well, you get the gist.

But now, Ineos has come to our attention in a big way. It’s down to something called ‘Projekt Grenadier’ (yep, with a k) – a plan to revive the no-nonsense off-road practicality of the late Land Rover Defender. Y’know, the rugged go-anywhere tool that was purloined by Knightsbridge yuppies and gentrified into a lifestyle accessory for popping down to Harrods. 

So, where does the name Grenadier come from? Well, it’s the name of the local pub in… er, Knightsbridge, where Ineos is based. Alright, let’s not get too bogged down in that. The point is that the Grenadier project was dreamt up at a pub, named after said pub and has the singular aim of preserving the immensely capable – and characterful – utilitarianism of the departed Defender. And all of this in a time where Land Rover is pushing so far upmarket that the even the standard Discovery is posher than the first two generations of Range Rover.

Ineos is talking about a brand-new car, following the old ideals set down by the British icon. Reckon there’s a place for that?

But, y’know… other companies’ sub-brands. Yes, Genesis boss Manfred Fitzgerald says that the electric performance future means that there’s no need for performance-focused sub-brands.

So, instead of following BMW’s lead with regular BMW models, i-badged electrified things and hard-edged M Division cars, it seems Fitzgerald’s idea is for one brand and one range, from basic cooking model to… er, red-hot performance car. So, just like Porsche, or Tesla. 'How much car would you like? And how fast?'

In our opinion, it raises the question of the halo effect – do we actually need the Type R, RS, M or AMG badging to pique our emotional response, or merely the performance that those letter combinations entail? And, if performance sub-brands will be defunct in the future, what does that mean for luxury sub-brands like Genesis, Lexus, or Infiniti?

The oven-baked paradise that is Australia does come with one very important caveat – roughly everything there will kill you.

It’s the old refrain that every ex-pat Australian has to go through when explaining their country to foreigners. Yes, all the snakes will kill you. Yep, and the spiders. Ya-huh, sharks too, and crocodiles and jellyfish and scorpions and wild boars and deadly octopi and something called a stonefish and even certain shells on the beach…

But among the hellish vortex of pain and death, (usually) safely up in a gum tree, lives the gentle koala. Yes, quite a few have chlamydia, but they remain one of the least deadly and most adorable animals the Antipodes have to offer, besides the quokka. 

Unfortunately for one fluffy eucalyptus panda, it found itself in the wheel well of an SUV as the owner drove for 10 miles around the hills north of Adelaide. After making its displeasure at its predicament known to the driver, it was extricated by removing a wheel and emerged mostly unharmed, barring some slightly toasted fur.

So, and forgive us for this one, just how much can a koala bear?

Photo of this adorable ball of fluff: Erik Veland

And we honestly don’t know how to feel about it. Sure, YouTube tutorials are going gangbusters and everyone looks everything up on the internet these days, but what exactly are we to put in our garage, on the shelf we built from reclaimed railway sleepers? Family photos? A vase? A Patricia Cornwell novel? Spare us. 

And consider this: what’s going to get dog-eared and oil-stained, and opened to one particular page so often that it forms a natural void, even when it goes back on the shelf?

Apart from building winning road cars and losing race cars, McLaren has a department called ‘Applied Technologies’. And, if that sounds like the lab that Lucius Fox mills around making amazing toys for Bruce Wayne… we’re trying to put together a Marvel analogy, OK? But yes, we’ll give you that one. 

In any case, the Applied Tech division has created a life-saving bit of kit for an unnamed billionaire, ‘Client X’, which attaches to his chest and helps him cope with chest pain while his vital organs are protected in a manner that reminds us just a bit of Tony Stark.

The super-technical girdle employs carbonfibre, Zylon (it’s 60 per cent stronger than Kevlar) and Dyneema (a fabric that’s stronger than steel). Oh, and it’s been named ‘Project Invincible’, so you’d assume that the intended use goes beyond the boardroom. The vest in question can protect Client X’s damaged ribs, sternum and kidney while he skis, hikes and drives exceptionally quick cars. Because billionaire.

Not to be indelicate, but we assume that the initial portion of the journey was completed by boat, given that the DMZ is likely a tricky thing to drive through. In any case, the convoy of Rextons followed the Trans-Eurasia trail, stopped off at the motor show in Frankfurt, then punted over to Blenheim Palace in Oxfordshire to complete their 8,000-mile journey in time to attend the Blenheim Palace International Horse Trials. 

In response, the upper-crust Brits responded by saying, “Ooooh, isn’t that lovely,” in that peculiarly polite way that expresses extreme nonchalance, before buying an X-Trail or a Kodiaq or a second-hand Land Rover...

We’re not entirely sure why they look like Pingu’s beak mid “NOOT NOOT”, but it seems we’re getting 25 bright orange funnel bins near motorway services.

Why? Well, it’s because we’re rubbish at putting our litter in an actual bin. And, because we’re such garbage at what should be simple sanitation (no, really… what is it with us and leaving every blooming crisp packet we use in a gutter?), we’re getting a not-so-subtle hint as to the proper place for our refuse. 

It costs £8m every year to clean up after rubbish tossers, which could surely be better spent on something like... ooh, a hospital? Library? Buying every man, woman and child in Manchester a pie? 

Anyway, the hope is by installing Pingu-beaks at key motorway locations (i.e. just before you rejoin the motorway slip road), the M3 at Winchester won’t look like a documentary on the Mobro 4000 (Google it. No, really). Let's just hope our drivers don't, um, refuse to co-operate...

Ever taken one of those online personality tests, only to find out that it’s only slightly less accurate than a 17th Century musket? And that you would’ve been better off scrolling through the article about the 17 times a llama resembled the Dalai Lama?

Well, it seems Nissan has just discovered the whole Myers-Briggs Type Indicator malarkey and has taken it a little too seriously. To wit, it's decided that its customers have all bought the wrong-coloured car.

It seems that Nissan customers are playing it safe with silver, grey and black, rather than the eye-searing, Geordie Shore orange that Nissan seems so fond of. And, with the help of a colour psychologist, it's ascertained that eight out of every ten Nissan customers has made the wrong choice. Eek.

Unless the rock you’ve been living under is especially large, you’ll know that classic car values are about as big as they’ve ever been. But you’ll also know that they get through parts pretty quickly, including tyres.

Now, it was easy enough when the car was new to pop down to the tyre fitter and order a replacement set. But today, when mass-market tyres are so large, it gets a little trickier. 

Thankfully, Pirelli has come to the rescue, offering tyres that fit some of the most gorgeous and soulful metal that we’ve ever created. Well, they fit the wheels of the most gorgeous and soulful metal we’ve ever created. And that’s a Very Good Thing. 

As we understand it, they’re all radials, so those hunting for cross-plys should probably keep buying from the same place as they get lead replacement additives, stringback gloves and replacement magnetos. But, if you have something like a 105 Series Alfa...