Report: White House admits it wanted Lagonda ‘Taraf’ limo, *not* tariffs

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Following a week of financial turmoil, a White House insider has admitted it actually wanted to secure an armoured, beefed-up version of the Lagonda Taraf rather than enact sweeping reciprocal tariffs that have crippled international markets.

The insider revealed the President was in fact a fan of Aston’s long-forgotten luxury brand, and its ill-fated 2015 rebirth in the form of the V12-engined four-door limousine that turned out to be a false start.

A typo in the Oval Office’s Signal group chat – originally demanding ‘beautiful new Taraf’ – was in fact miscommunicated as ‘beautiful new tariffs’ that in turn sparked a global trade war.

“Turns out, the President is a huge fan of beautifully designed, long-forgotten, ageing British V12 four-door supercars,” an insider admitted to TopGear.com. “Who knew?

“While he correctly pointed out the current presidential limousine – nicknamed ‘The Beast’ – is cumbersome, overwrought, lacking grace and panache and a mighty V12, we never really thought he actually wanted a disregarded £700k Middle East-only four-seater.

“Because… well, nobody did, right? So we just sort of assumed he meant ‘tariffs’ and off we went.

“Suffice to say, this has all got a bit out of hand.”

The insider admitted another, more recent communication sent to all departments that just said ‘bigly’ was now being interpreted as the President desiring a new Bentley.