Every single Audi to be named after its individual VIN number

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

After u-turning on plans to split its electric and combustion cars between even- and odd-numbered model names, Audi has come up with a new system in a desperate bid to end ongoing confusion over its line-up.

Effective immediately, all new Audis will be named after their VIN numbers, meaning every man and his dog will be able to easily identify them at a glance provided they can jot down the 17-character identifier, have the latest DVLA app installed, have 30 minutes spare and no social life.

It brings to an end Audi’s A, Q, and RS denominators, while terms like Sportback and Avant – meaning not-a-saloon and estate, respectively – have also been binned.

“Customers were telling us they didn’t really understand why the new A5 is actually the new old A4, and we hear them loud and clear,” said an insider. “So we’ve devised a new, full-proof method that clearly sets out our cars’ size, bodystyle, and powertrain in a way that can’t possibly be misinterpreted.

“However, we’ll still be throwing in a random two-digit number in vague reference to the power output, and we’re keeping TFSI to mean ‘petrol’. Only now we’re going to physically stamp out Turbo Fuel Stratified Injection across the bootlid.

“It’s the only sensible way.”

Meanwhile the brand’s world-famous ‘Vorsprung durch Technik’ slogan is to be replaced by a campaign entitled ‘Was ist das?’