Dobby the house elf attends speed awareness course

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Dobby the house elf has attended a speed awareness course in Cambridge, becoming the third Harry Potter star to be penalised for speeding this week.

The magical creature – who retired from acting after his final screen appearance in Deathly Hallows: Part 1 – was clocked doing 25mph in a 20mph zone in a BMW XM last month.

“Dobby is very sorry for what he did,” said the elf. “Dobby was driving master’s car to the detailing shop but Dobby didn’t see the speed limit had changed.

“Dobby would’ve been ashamed with three points on his licence, and master says Dobby is no good to him if his insurance costs go up at renewal.

“So Dobby has taken the speed awareness course, and most enlightening it was. And Dobby has punished himself at home as well by staring at the car for three hours without blinking.

“Dobby is a bad elf.”

The local police force refused to comment on the case, but released a statement saying: “An IC1 male elf was caught speeding by a mobile camera six weeks ago.

“When officers stopped the vehicle, the situation escalated when the driver threw a pair of fake Ray Bans at one officer and launched a barrage of expletives at the other, bellowing ‘Don’t you know who I am?!’ and ‘You’re just a muggle with a GCSE in PE.’

“We would have suggested he take the Knight Bus, but Ernie pranged it last week."