Dacia set to reveal ‘Really Bigster’ cheap SUV to rival the Range Rover

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Dacia looks set to introduce a range-topping ‘Really Bigster’ SUV to rival the Range Rover, according to insiders close to the carmaker.

Following the enthusiastic response to the Renault-owned brand’s upcoming Bigster SUV, executives were keen to capitalise on the literal naming strategy and enthusiasm for massive cars in one budget-friendly swoop.

And staying true to Dacia’s core values, insiders claim the Really Bigster SUV will rival the Range Rover for size but cost the same as a replacement wing mirror on the long-running and established luxury British SUV.

“Our mission with the Bigster was to ‘scale greater heights’, and everyone really got on board with that, so we’re running very literally with this whole thing and now plan to scale, like, really great heights.

“The Really Bigster will be like a friendly Range Rover that’ll cost the same as a spare part on that leviathan, offer seating for somewhere between 15-20 people because we can do that sort of thing, and feature a tiny petrol engine that’ll refuse to die.

“And… that’s it. No fancy gimmicks or electronic aids you’ll use once and then want to fire into the sun. No infinitely customisable trim options. No other engine variants.

“We’re going to hose it with hard plastics, a massive footprint and keep it super cheap. Don’t ask us how we’re doing the sums on this one, because even we don’t know.”

Plans are already in place to unveil a ‘Slightly Smallster’ SUV to take on the Evoque, a 'Really Very Bigster', and later a ‘Stupidly Massivester’ to rival the Cadillac Escalade and capture the lucrative US market’s inexplicable desire for land yachts.