Audi renames again: A4 is Audi Small, A6 is Audi Medium, and A8 to be Audi Large

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Audi has renamed its core model line-up yet again, with the new A4 simply called Audi ‘Small’, the new A6 dubbed the Audi ‘Medium’, while the range-topping A8 will become the Audi ‘Large’.

Further, its SUVs will follow this simplified naming strategy, with the Q3 given the ‘Small-But-Tall’ badge, the Q5 named ‘Medium-But-Tall’, and the Q7 called ‘Large-But-Tall’. Odd numbered cars will be given a ‘+1’ suffix; even-numbered SUVs will quietly be pushed into the nearest ocean.

And for Audi’s range of EVs, names will be either ‘Big Electric Audi, or ‘Bigger Electric Audi’.

“We’ll be honest, we’ve been having a lot of fun over the past few years dicking around with our model names and trims,” an insider revealed. “30 TFSI? Nonsense, right? 50 TDI? Complete gobbledygook.

“Then we thought we’d start switching around model names just for fun, binning years of built-up awareness of our core product range. Because of course an A4 would mean A5.

“We’ve had another rethink and have decided to follow the world of clothes sizing. New A6? ‘Medium’ for you. The SUVs are the same but just a bit taller. Naturally, a ‘Large’ from us might actually be an ‘Extra Large’ elsewhere, so it’s important to come into the dealership and try one on for size.

“Look, at least it won’t shrink when you wash it.”

When pushed on why the even-numbered SUVs were being discontinued, the insider said: “Even we don’t understand what they’re all about. Into the sea they go.”