Ten things we learned this week

"Happy as a pig in poo". It's a PG-rated paraphrasing of a well-known phrase. But as the picture above substantiates, there is a higher level of happiness. Happy as a pig in poo in a police car.

Oh yes. 'Pig', as the arresting officers from Shelby, Florida apparently dubbed him - doing nothing for public perception of police Iqs - was arrested for showing aggression towards a woman after escaping from his enclosure.

We'd imagine he wasn't the first to hit a low ebb after finding himself trapped in the back of a police car. We do imagine, though, that he's one of a very small club to protest by means of, ahem, defecation. Everywhere.

"It became a biohazard relatively quickly," said Deputy Chief Mark Coil, somewhat eloquently. "Luckily for the department and the officers, the owner volunteered and cleaned the car for us."

Picture credit: Shelby Township police

This week's big internet news has surrounded the transformation of Bruce Jenner - gold medallist in decathlon at the 1976 Olympics and parent to some fairly famous kids in the shape of the Kardashians - into Caitlyn Jenner, becoming perhaps the world's best known transgender woman in the process.

And if you're going to make an announcement the world's media will pore over, then why not do it from the harnessed seat of a GT3 RS? And not the latest one, no: the previous gen, last of the manuals GT3 RS, perhaps the most satisfying track-special supercar in existence. And importantly, the dress matches the decals...

Picture credit: DKNY

We imagine you aren't a fan of the double-yellow line, for it causes inconvenience and/or expense wherever it may be daubed.

But surely it's worn more stylishly by, you know, tarmac than it is people?

We refer you to the aftermath of a collision in Russia which saw a lorry full of yellow paint shed its load. Some of it hit the tarmac, the rest the front of the truck behind.

That includes its poor driver, who was left resembling a giant Lego man suffering shock. Thankfully only minor injuries were incurred, but the driver was said to be overcome with emulsion.

Sorry.

As the British driving test turns 80, the easiest and hardest places to pass in the UK have been listed.

Feeling cocky? Swagger into London, several of its districts helping make up the ten toughest places to pass. Belvedere takes the dubious honour of being the place you're least likely to ceremoniously tear your L plates in two, just 32.2 per cent of learners swapping green licences for pink last year.

Still executing seven-point turns via two kerbed alloys? Off to the Isle of Mull you go, the home of Balamory boasting an 80 per cent pass rate, with several other Scottish isles and towns comprising the rest of the top ten. Only ten people took their test last year in Mull, mind you.

If you're thinking there's some obvious science in learners who have to negotiate dog-eat-dog traffic having a tougher time than those who only need watch out for rogue CBeebies cast members, you're probably on to something...

Perhaps the Isle of Mull needs some tanks? They certainly got the better of this German learner driver, who, somewhat unwisely, pulled out in front of a convoy of British military tanks during a lesson.

Somewhat predictably, the Toyota Yaris she was piloting fell foul to 60-odd tons of munition. Very foul...

Picture credit: EPA

In equally surprise-free news, a spangly supersaloon doesn't fare well when faced by an angry digger driver short on patience. Or mechanical sympathy.

As The Mirror reported this week, disruption was brought upon a Chinese building site when a couple of cars - including the posh Beemer - were left parked illegally.

At the behest of site managers, the problem was quickly solved by some of the heavy machinery that sat conveniently close by. If you're offended by the lightest of shopping trolley dings, look away now.

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Deprecation lovers, bow your heads: the Volkswagen Phaeton is no more. Though while it may seem dishearteningly inevitable that a common people's posh car has lost its battle with poor sales figures, the Phaeton is quite the warrior: it's been on sale since 2002. If you're like us, you'll now be feeling quite old right now.

Sales have ceased in the UK as the Phaeton's current range of engines don't meet strict new emissions rules, but the fact a mere 31 sold here last year can't have helped its cause. VW is developing a large saloon to replace it, but the case to bring it to our shores could prove tricky. Time to start a campaign?

If the previous Ten Things campaign led you to support this fine and noble project, then well done you. And us.

After a few months of online canvassing, builder ‘bricktrix_Carl' has garnered the required 10,000 electronic squiggles to get his Caterham car kit to actual Lego product meetings. In a few months - with a splash of luck and, we imagine, the blessing of Caterham itself - it could be a real thing. In shops.

As part of his campaign, Carl, who may or may not have an actual job, has built almost as many iterations of Seven as Caterham builds itself, proving the versatility of his kit. We're optimistically penning our letters to Santa already.

You ought to know wee Max by now: the youngest driver to grace the F1 grid, he's already making a name for himself with daring overtakes and some very confident driving.

You'd be mad to bet against him surpassing the career of dad Jos, whose 107 career races translated into two podiums and 17 points.

And poor Jos doesn't appear to enjoy riding shotgun with his boy, pop's eyes wide and his head frequently shaking in apparent disapproval as Max blasts around Spa in Renaultsport's R.S.01 racecar.

It's not the first time he's riled Pa, either. Rumours that young Verstappen has since been grounded for a week with his pocket money suspended are unconfirmed.

Skidmeister Block may have struggled to find his calling in world rallying, but the thrills and spills of rallycross appear to much better reflect his drift-happy skillset.

Last year Kenny B missed out on the Red Bull Global Rallycross title by just five points. And he's kicked off the 2015 season as he means to go on, winning the first round in Fort Lauderdale, topping a podium that also comprised Scott Speed and ex-F1 driver Nelson Piquet Junior.

"Racing these two really talented tarmac drivers was really tough," grinned Block, whose effective use of his 'joker lap' apparently helped seal victory. What chance the championship?