Geneva Motor Show: the tuners

Lamborghini Veneno. Ferrari LaFerrari. McLaren P1. A vintage Geneva Motor Show for eye-popping new supercars then, but, believe it or not, there were other cars out there on the floor that were, if anything, more attention-grabbing....

So prepare for this year's top ‘artistic fabricators of the automotive world' from the show, galleried up into a chrome-wrapped, diamanté-encrusted carbon fibre extravanganza. And let us know your favourite below...

Words and Pictures: Rowan Horncastle

Land Rover worked tirelessly in development to try and reduce the weight of the new Range Rover. And thanks to the new all-aluminium monocoque body/chassis, they managed to shave 420kg from its predecessor. That was last year. But now it's March. And like every ambitious person who reluctantly joins Weight Watchers, there's always the temptation to put that weight back on, and Hamann has done just that. Say hello to the ‘Mystere'.

Thanks to wide fenders, a wide bonnet, a wide front bumper, a wide front spoiler, a wide rear bumper and wide side sills, they've made it wide. Exactly 80 mm wider than before. Which is two dress sizes. Wowza.

There's also fully-functional faux exhaust outlets, horrendous panel gaps and a fabulously frou-frou chrome pink wrap so garish Katie Price might consider it a tad de trop.

Geneva just wouldn't be the same without Mansory. Its stand is the Aladdin's cave of gaudiness. You want a carbon fibre and gold ostrich skin office chair - they've got it. £50,000 matte black, modified golf buggy? No problem. But the thing that most caught our (and everybody else's) attention was Mansory's ‘Beach Officer Barbie on narcotics edition G500 Cabrio', or what the Swiss tuner likes to call: Speranza Cabrio.

Its stance has been enhanced by 20mm through new carbon fibre wings that match the new front bumper and carbon fiber hood. It's also sitting on fresh 24-inch wheels, because we all know the more power you have the more inches you need right?

The G500's engine has been completely reworked with new pistons, connecting rods, rod bearings, crankshaft, crank, a new cylinder head and more. The result is 700hp and an electronically limited torque output of 900nm. Still not powerful enough for you? Then you need the Mansory Gronos, a 840hp fixed-roof G63 with an electronically-limited 1000Nm of torque.

Audi showcased their brand new RS5 Coupe-based DTM race car at the Geneva show. But that's not road legal. So the guys at ABT tuning smacked their heads together and came up with this: the ABT RS5-R - the closest thing to an RS5 DTM road car.

It doesn't have quite as many canards as the race car, but there's plenty of carbon fibre aero appendages to lacerate the ankles of pedestrians on the pavement. It's also got side pipe exhausts, so you can bark at people at traffic lights.

The V8 has been enhanced to 450 horsepower - an increase of 20 -which has shortened the time it takes from 0-to-60 mph by 0.3 seconds.

This is the Hamann BMW M5 Mi5Sion and it looks like a hungover Shar Pei. Largely thanks to a tailor-made wider bodykit which adds 30 mm on each side. It's also had some weight reduction, a new exhaust and carbon fibre spoiler.

In the tuning stakes, this isn't that extreme. It's AC Schnitzer's take on a 640d Gran Coupé. Yes, a diesel. You can upgrade the engine from 313hp to 360hp, but what really caught our attention was the matte brown paint, contrasted with Panini album's worth of big shiny stickers. Because everyone knows stickers add speed.

Back to Mansory, this time with their new Ferrari F12, dedicated to Kourosh Mansory's favourite 80s action actor Sylvester Stallone. The standard F12's 740hp was just not enough, so just like the actual Stallone before Rambo IV, the F12's ECU has been injected and re-mapped to push out 775hp and 725Nm of torque.

As you can see, thanks to a new carbon fibre bumper it's all set for next year's Movember. Which begs a question. When will Stallone be joined by the Mansory Seagal and Mansory Van Damme?

German tuner MTM claims its modified VW T5, "allows you to do your business in comfortable and luxurious surroundings." That may be true, but it looks like the ultimate slumber party on wheels to us.

There are leather-covered, ergonomically adapted and air-conditioned seats within easy reach of the bar and refreshments centre. There's also full connectivity so you can order in pizza to your van, before settling in to a night of 3D gaming or films on 32-inch LCD TV. The electronics are controlled by an iPad, and the whole thing is soundproofed so you can turn your rolling slumber party up to 11.

And you'll be moving at speed as MTM haven't just sorted the entertainment: there's over a 100 more horsepower than the standard van (310hp).