Objects of irrational desire: Cadillac S&S Victoria

Don’t say you haven’t ever thought about it. It’s just a big estate car, really. Except one for ­y’know, delivering the no-longer alive to their final resting place. A dead cool limo.

And this is probably one of the coolest. No stretched Merc E-Class or Daimler here, this is pure Elvis: a ‘74 Caddy in metallic brown. Possibly a bit big for ambitious parallel parks, but you'd definitely not be missed.

Classified as a limousine, this monster comes with a 7.3-litre V8, rear-wheel drive and a three-speed auto perfect for cruising, making it a ready-to-rumble tourer dripping in full-size petrol crisis creativity.

Made by specialist company S&S (Hess and Eisenhardt, makers of custom-bodied funeral vehicles and ambulances), the Caddy was actually marketed as The S&S Victoria side-servicing funeral coach back in the mid-‘70s, and comes with a brilliant set of rear suicide doors and kind of sliding table arrangement that allows, as the name suggests, for loading coffin-shaped objects from the side as well as through the rear hatch. Perfect for a goth who spends a lot of money in IKEA?

Still, it’s in excellent nick, has only managed 44,195km (nothing for these cars/engines/transmissions) and is listed for £10,000. Go on, you know you want to...