Congratulations! You bought more sports cars in July

We’re going to spin this differently from everywhere else. You may have discovered the news that in July – that was last month – the UK car market declined by 9.3 per cent.

That means fewer people bought brand new cars in July 2017 than they did in July 2016 (161,997 in 2017, versus 178,523 in 2016). The Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders reckons it’s because of a fall in consumer and business confidence and oh wait, you’re already asleep.

OK, here’s the good bit. We think. In July 2017, the only two vehicle segments to see growth were ‘dual purpose’ cars, and ‘specialist sports cars’. The latter saw an increase of 10.3 per cent. Hurrah!

In more interesting news, demand for what SMMT defines as ‘alternatively fuelled vehicles’ – think hybrid, plug-in hybrid and pure-electric – went a bit nuts, with 8,871 new cars bought, a 64.9 per cent growth. This is small in the overall scheme of things, giving AFVs a market share of around five percent, or one in 20. Actually only one car in 200 sold in the UK last month was pure-electric and oh wait, you’re asleep again.

Demand for diesel in July fell quite dramatically – by 20.1 per cent year on year – with petrol cars only suffering a 3 per cent decline. No doubt you’ll be able to guess why diesel cars were less popular last month...

We end, if you’re still awake, on a slightly more upbeat note. With more than 1.5 million new cars bought since January, the SMMT reckons “overall performance remains at a high level”.

So, erm, keep buying sports cars.