Santa ditches reindeer for electric sleigh, now stuck at broken charge point

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Santa Claus is stuck at a broken electric charging point at a service station somewhere in the Midlands, sources have revealed.

The jolly, bearded present-giver recently made a pledge to reduce his carbon footprint after his traditional, reindeer-powered sleigh was deemed to have fallen foul of Euro 6 emissions standards.

However, his replacement electric sleigh featuring a quad-motor powertrain and best-in-class 1,000kWh lithium-ion battery is now stuck at a defective charge point in an undisclosed location just outside Birmingham.

“‘Get an electric sleigh’, they all said. I went for the fastest, most powerful one I could find, able to go from 0-60mph in 2.9 million wishes time, which – I was assured by the manufacturer – made it the fastest electric sleigh ever built.

“I’d done most of the North of England in one swift hit – the acceleration off the line was really quite breathtaking! – at which point it showed 1,000 miles of range left.

“But then I hit some cold weather and despite going easy on the throttle, the range suddenly dropped to 34 miles. I stopped at a charging point but of the four installed, three had those godawful SUVs parked in the bays. All of them were fully charged.

“The fourth charger was a 7kW lightweight that didn’t even work. Now I’m stuck with nine different charging apps on my phone, a flat sleigh and a boatload of presents.

“Ho. Ho. Ho.”

Onlookers later reported Santa attempting to exchange a number of boxed gifts for a service station meal deal, though he was turned away for insufficient funds.