Report: 96 per cent of motorists think Give Way sign ‘a suggestion’

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

A new survey has found that 96 per cent of UK motorists believe the mandatory ‘Give Way’ sign to be nothing more than “a suggestion”.

The damning new report also found more than three quarters of respondents thought the circular sign displaying a bike on top of a car – intended to mean ‘No motor vehicles’ – simply meant bikes could jump over cars at random.

And when faced with the sign indicating U-turns were forbidden, 34 per cent believed it instead prohibited use of heavy magnets while driving.

“I enjoy having a dialogue with the UK’s roadside architecture, because it’s always suggesting things I might like to do,” one respondent said. “So when I see signs saying ‘Give Way’, I always respond back with a polite ‘no thanks, I’m really quite fine’ instead.

“Clearly, other motorists agree with me because whenever I refuse the suggestion and barrel straight onto a road right after that sign, they all honk massively aggressively at me. It’s reassuring to know they too talk to the signs.”

Another respondent admitted: “I always thought whoever invented that sign was a massive Red Hot Chili Peppers fan.”

When presented with the proper instruction around the ‘No motor vehicles’ sign, one motorist said: “What? No vehicles allowed in this area? Clearly that’s wrong. That sign explicitly means ‘watch out for nutjob bikers performing stunt jumps over your car’.”

“Magnets! Watch out for the magnets! They put it in everything!” another driver later admitted, without prompting.

Motoring bodies however, were quick to resist calls for clearer road signs. “What’s the point? They’ll do whatever the bloody hell they like anyway. Get yourself an armoured Merc W126 estate and hope for the best in this freewheeling hellscape,” a spokesperson said.