Porsche brain implant chip 18 seconds faster than Neuralink’s

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

An experimental brain implant chip built and designed by Porsche has set a new neural circuit record, eclipsing that of Tesla boss Elon Musk’s Neuralink chip.

The new prototype implant – set to be revealed later this year – managed to race around the brain’s most central functions 18 seconds faster than Neuralink’s.

Porsche said the chip was a ‘standard’ microprocessor with no additional enhancements, and that conditions on the day of testing were ‘clinical’.

“Our new prototype chip has exceeded all our internal targets by being twenty-six seconds faster than our earlier production implants, and 18 seconds faster than the current record holder.

“We’re very proud of this historic achievement, building on years of ad-hoc external programming where the 911 GT3 RS is considered the greatest automotive object of all time even by those who have never driven it.

“Indeed, our road cars have long been described as ‘telepathic’, allowing our enthusiast drivers to think their way around a circuit. With this new chip, end-users will now be able to quite literally think faster than rivals.

“Your move, Neuralink.”

Porsche later confirmed it was already working on a hardcore ‘Superschnelles Gehirn‘ implant, featuring an even smaller carbon fibre circuit board and the optional ‘Leichte Elektroden‘ pack.