Mansory to design bodykit for the Shard

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Mansory is to design a 1,000ft bodykit for the Shard, in what promises to be the controversial workshop’s most divisive project in its 35-year history.

Not satisfied with churning out car mods that appeal to furious internet dwellers and bot accounts, the firm wants to broaden its horizons by literally redrawing one.

Having ruled out a plan to shrink-wrap the Eiffel Tower entirely in gold vinyl - something the French authorities are now doing themselves ahead of this summer’s Olympic Games in Paris - Mansory will instead focus its efforts on London’s skyline.

Initial sketches show the skyscraper’s tune-up could go any number of ways, with a fully enclosed carbon fibre shell, a series of entirely fake vents, or the adhesion of 25-inch, platinum-plated rims finished in matte lime green all under consideration.

A spokesperson refused to rule out Mansory doing all of those at once, regardless of whether each element clashed with the others.

“We are committed to taking the Shard’s striking, clean form and giving it the imitation Lego vibe that goes down so well in online comment sections,” they explained.

“Some people call it tasteless. But what is taste if not the absence of all but one or two flavours? No, I will not go into more detail.”

Universal condemnation of the move has arrived from every corner of London, however a billionaire with more money than sense immediately placed an order for six scale replicas and Mansory is now forecasting record profits for the next financial year.