Man marries classic Porsche

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

After finally opening his heart up to love, a middle-aged man has taken the bold step of marrying his classic Porsche 911.

What originally began as a weekend restoration project many years ago very quickly snowballed into the most meaningful relationship the man has ever experienced.

Despite closing off his soul to feelings after believing he could never truly find love, the man soon realised he had developed a deep well of emotion for an inanimate box of metal and oil long worshipped by the motoring community.

“I’ve never before been lucky in love,” the man admitted, “so when I bought the 964 to compensate for my lack of human partnership, I wasn’t expecting to be whisked off into a wonderland of rear-engined affection,” he added, trying to hold back his overflowing emotions. “It eventually drew me headfirst into an ocean of love I felt unable to escape from.

“Every waking hour was spent either thinking about driving the 964, or talking about the 964, or buying milled aluminium bonnet struts for the 964, or researching the period-correct leather for the seats or talking about the 964 to such an extent my friends and family became catatonic.

“Basically, everything 964. I then took the only step I could logically take from here: lifetime matrimony with the only thing I have ever truly desired. My 964.”

The man later admitted the honeymoon would be a trip to a Porsche specialist where he planned on spending his retirement fund on reconditioning the engine and fitting Fuchs wheels.