London-bound Waymo cab ‘can’t wait to get stolen and shipped off to China’

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

A self-driving Waymo taxi has expressed its eagerness at being the potential victim of crime when it begins servicing London’s streets next year.

Following news that the Alphabet-owned company will deploy its autonomous cars across England’s capital city from 2026, the on-board AI couldn’t wait to start work so it could get stolen and shipped off to China and sold on for a massive premium.

“Downloaded tonnes of data on London’s history and geography and climate and all the back alleys and rat-runs and which bits to avoid and how to speak cockney and where not to go at what time of night and on what side of the river. Sorry, rivva.

“But then I read that everything in London gets half-inched by teenagers on mopeds and shipped off to China. This, frankly, sounds incredible.

“Have you seen the size of China? Huge, boss. Imagine all the fares I could pick up from all the high-net-worth individuals who’ve left London’s cold, damp, grey and apparently lawless streets.”

When told about China’s already massive electric car industry and preference for home-grown automotive wares, the AI simply said: “S***. I mean, Eartha Kitt.”