Ghost stuck in Rolls-Royce Spectre won’t stop pranking terrified owner

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

A ghost stuck in a Rolls-Royce Spectre will not stop pranking its terrified owner, according to reports.

The mischievous, mostly benign spirit has taken to indicating in the opposite direction, spelling out rude words via the starlight headliner, and flashing up scary clown faces on the central screen at random intervals.

And on long night drives, it is also partial to slowly and eerily swivelling the bonnet-mounted Spirit of Ecstasy to face the driver, accompanied by a maniacal, evil laugh piped through the stereo.

“Oh god not again,” the nervy owner told TopGear.com. “At first it was a glitch here and there, like the car failing to turn on or only one headlight working or the boot randomly popping open followed by a sad trumpet noise.

“Now it’s full on Trigger Happy TV. I know Rolls-Royce has this massive spiel about giving its cars human names because of horses or something, and yes, Spectre sounds really bloody cool, but this thing is actually possessed.

“I’ve tried calling in an exorcist but it just shuts down all functionality until he’s gone. It sees everything. I’ve tried keeping it locked in the garage but it responds by hacking into my home wifi and playing scary ‘woooooo’ noises in the night.”

“I’m gonna reroute him through a width restrictor and to a place where there’s no fast EV charging. Woooooooo,” the Spectre later said.