F1 title to be decided by Eurovision-style phone vote

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Formula 1 is on the verge of announcing the biggest shake-up in its 75-year history, with championship points set to be scrapped in favour of a live television phone vote after every race.

Instead of the top 10 finishers earning a set amount of points, the outcome of each grand prix and sprint race will be decided democratically by viewers watching at home.

Each country represented on the grid will vote for their Driver of the Day, while the actual race classification will be assessed by a completely anonymous professional jury, who will rank each driver’s individual performance based on telemetry and the entertainment value of their team radio messages.

Therefore, a driver calmly leading from lights to flag will be outscored by a haphazard backmarker who crashed in Q1 but lucked out to finish eighth thanks to a fortuitously timed safety car.

Asked if the format was merely a lazy rip-off of Eurovision but with cars, an insider hit back: “How dare you! We’ve put a lot of work into this rip-off of Eurovision, thank you very much.

“Audiences were telling us they wanted more unpredictability. It’s a testament to our innovation that we’ve found a solution that’s fairer than reverse grids and drives Instagram likes.

“Sauber ‘winning’ in P16; Max Verstappen getting one point for lapping the entire grid; all four Brits finishing last every single week – this format will have it all.

“Had it been around in Stirling Moss’s day, he might actually have been world champion. Doesn’t seem so crazy now, does it?”