Exclusive: discovery of hens with teeth destabilises classic car industry

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

The classic car industry was rocked today following the discovery of a small field filled with hens bearing teeth, shattering the one reference point that has maintained its entire value system.

A farmer looking to expand his land stumbled upon the field, and was shocked to discover the hens roaming it did in fact have teeth, and lots of them.

The discovery means the entire classic car universe – long used to comparing a low volume, seldom seen old car as ‘rarer than hen’s teeth’ – has folded instantly.

“We’re all done for,” a classic car insider confided to TopGear.com. “Our entire industry is built on the longstanding, widely known premise that hens do not possess any teeth.

“This allows us to merrily compare their historic lack of dental instruments to something like a 1987 Vauxhall Belmont to give the latter some provenance and meaning and also a massive, inconceivable price tag.

“This discovery means we can no longer do that. Everything has been turned upside down, and old cars that are just old cars will be forced to adhere to normal market practices of being priced accordingly.

“God, I hope they don’t find any unicorns, otherwise we’re completely screwed,” the insider added.