AlphaTauri rebrands again to Two Year Fixed Rate Mortgage £999 Joining Fee F1 team

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

The former AlphaTauri team has rebranded yet again and will now race under the name Two Year Fixed Rate Mortgage £999 Joining Fee Formula One Team.

Following the announcement of a new majority stakeholder that specialises in offering two year fixed rate mortgages with only a £999 joining fee, the team recently known as Visa Cash App RB will instead race under an equally mind-bogglingly ridiculous moniker.

Insiders close to the deal have confirmed that both Yuki Tsunoda and Daniel Ricciardo will be contractually required to repeat the terms and conditions of the two year fixed rate mortgages with only a £999 joining fee in the media pen following the end of each race.

“We’re thrilled to reveal our new identity and can’t wait to enter both the 2024 Formula One car racing season and a new Two Year Fixed Rate Mortgage with only a £999 Joining Fee,” a team spokesperson said.

“Don’t forget, in this new era of Formula One and under the terms and conditions of your Two Year Fixed Rate Mortgage you must pay the interest we charge in relation to the loan by making your combined payments over the mortgage term.

“Go team!”

TopGear.com understands both drivers’ race engineers will be sacked and replaced with a continuous loop of pre-recorded audio warnings about keeping up your mortgage repayments.